good day

Hello everybody nothing much happen to me today other than i just really enjoyed my whole day. It is like i took control this day and I was really aware of everything that i did. I started with sleeping in then i ate some fruit and some left overs. I spent a little time with my mom. The i went to kung fu as this was the cherry on top for me. Not a crazy day but a nice day. Then i watched an episode of King of the Nerds; while doing my last 100 push ups and sit ups for the day. I guess  it just feels nice once in awhile to not be responsible for anything for a day. Today was a perfect kung fu day for me. Other than this that is all i have to say for now, except for this.....


244 Lbs

Sihing Langner

The new start

Hello, well the new I Ho Chaun has finally started officially. I cannot believe how many new weapons that we have this year. Also i am doing the twin hooks this year and i was surprised to find out that there will be three other people that will be doing the same thing as me, i can't wait. I would of listed all the new weapons that i have never seen silent river kung fu used before, but i can't really spell out the proper names or i do not know them, but i will say one The Broom. This year we will all face new challenges, failures, success and we will do it together. We just have to remember to ask for help when we need it. Feed ourselves some humble pie and ask someone, or get the courage to ask someone if you are like me and have some social phobias. But i have learned to conquer so many of my social phobias thanks to the I ho chuan team last year. I still have a lot to go in conquering my fears, but performing at the banquet did more good for me then hurting me. I just watch the video that was posted and astonished that i even was able to go on stage that night. after words i felt 100 times better, all the pressure and stomach twisting i was feeling that night all went away to a ting of my sai's hitting Sifu Masterson's  sai's. For me it was the announcing of the end of our dragon year, but at the same time a chime for our next year of the snake; the year i was born and the year i will be training even harder than last year. Also i am extremely thankful for being in a place like our kung fu and surrounding myself with people who i know that will make this year even more awesome than last year, which is pretty awesome.
This last entry is going to be hard for me, but i said i would do it for my personal requirements.

 249 Lbs

This would be my weight I will publicly be posting this info on all my blogs, because i believe this will help me realize what weight i am at and to keep me responsible and accountable for my action in the goal to lose 40lbs. Oh god this is hard, but i must do it here goes nothing.


Sihing Langner

stomach pains

Hello everyone the big day of the banquet has got my stomach twisting and turning in so many different directions. I know it is not even my black belt day and i am sure the candidates are feeling more pressure than i am, but my social phobia is starting to kick into high gear. I know most likely my demo vision will kick in when i finally do the performances and forms, but the worst part is the waiting for the actual day to come. To tell you the truth i will probably have to watch the recording, because eventually my demo vision will kick in and I won't even really remember want happened. One second i want to puke, the next, it is time to clean up and go home. I am even finding it harder to socialize just with some of my teammates, i will have something to add to the conversation and i won't say a word, because i am frozen in place. I do know the candidates are actually going to be the people who have to say there speeches, which takes a lot of bravery and courage i think. I know i would need some of that to do what they are doing, and someday i really do want to do what there are doing and maybe the pain i feel now might be ten times worse or i will try to conquer my fears. I prefer the second option, but it will  be super hard, but anything easy isn't worth doing. If everything was easy no one would every need to evolve as a human being or as a person. I will get my stomach issues under control, but this is just another stepping stone i will be taking to get passed my social phobia fear.


Sihing Langner 

Birthdays

Hello every one today is my birthday Feb 7. Birthdays have always been a weird thing for me, i know it is probably like this for most people. In my eyes birthdays have always been for the young and when you get older you just stop celebrating it all together. After a certain age like 12 for me they just stop, most of the times it was because i had no friends to invite or we were no longer interested in the same things any more, so i would just skip it. Also the only birthdays i have ever had were kinda of kiddy, as most birthday party's are at a younger age, but as i got older most of the people i knew were throwing these big crazy get drunk party's. I have never liked any alcohol, so i never had the same kinda of party nor attended, and i never tried to throw any type of party, because of how bad my social phobia was.  I must say having that social phobia at a young age sure warped my growing up. I may have stayed out of some bad crowds, but for just living my life i basically failed. I know i have a lot more to go, but this is just some of the tings i think about sometimes. I know today is completely different then when i was in my teens. Now i don't have as bad of a social phobia, but now and then when something as simple as going to lunch with friends i start to panic, but today i will be meeting some friends for a lunch, and now i feel a little nauseous, but i will never improve until i try harder in life. I still do not like any alcohol and believe me i have tried to like it, but never any success. I have only been drunk twice and both of the times were forced because everybody told me it gets better the more you drink. I found out it still sucks after the 8th beverage, it never got better. Anyways now i do have more friends that have common interest like i do and that makes me happy.


Sihing Langner