I Need to be Proud of my Life

So I got laid off this Friday. I know I am in a trade where that can happen a lot. I also was told this could happen when I rejoined them since they said the job was winding down had they had no other prospects. Even though I have finally finished all of my school being a fourth year or a brand new journeyman is the hardest thing to do right now, because we cost just a little to much and we don't have 30 years of experience yet.
    This will be the second time in my life I have ever been laid off. Once I would say was unjustly, but this time it was just cost effective. Cheaper to have a 3rd year who can do what I was working on rather than a 4th year. This is my first time going through money troubles though. Normally I would be living at home and built a bit of a nest egg and I would not worry to much but this time I have rent to pay. I would not say I am hurting for money yet, but it is uncomfortably low for me. I am glad I got to work what I could, which helped greatly, but I wish it was longer. I was running a little low just after school so I really needed this money more then ever.
  I almost wonder if it was the right decision to move out. On purely the money standpoint no it was not, but on the personal level I think I have made some great leaps and strides in growing as a person. I also realize more then ever that I am a late bloomer in the sense that most people my age have already lived that life and they are currently have a family and a house they are trying to pay off.
  It is sometimes hard to think how far behind I am in life when I think about it. I have no kids, no wife, no home of my own. I wish all my rent money was going towards my home instead of someone else's.
   Being laid off has put me in a very dark place. I know my biggest flaw is I want a special someone some day yet I do nothing about it, because I am to nervous to go to clubs to meet someone. If I do get a date, it always never feels right and there is never any interest from them for me. It is hard to be confident in myself when it seems to mean nothing. I hate being alone, it is the worst. The freedom of single life is worthless. I have spent over 30 years alone. I just want it to end, the silence, the knowing of going home to nothing, the not knowing if I will ever meet someone. It's hard not knowing what it feels like to have someone like you in a romantic way.
  I am thankful for my parents, and my great friends, and my Kung fu. Without them I would truly have nothing. Kung fu is the one place I don't feel like that. It is one the place I feel like where I have the potential to change my life.
  Jeff and I were talking once when I was in a dark place and I don't remember how it came about, but it is a saying that came out of nowhere and I wrote it on my fridge. It says "I need to be proud of my life" I feel like I say it and read it to myself everyday. I believe I am just trying to convince myself that those words are true. They have helped me a lot these words, and I hope one day I will believe them. Maybe if I keep reading and saying it every day I might believe it one day.

Sifu Langner