The Middleman

Something happened to me today that hasn't happened in a while. I was the middleman for a dispute between family members. This time was a little different though. Normally I'm the one who has to be calming one family member down or the other. Then I rationalized and calmly speak to the other one to clearly state what the other party was trying to say. 

  This time though one family member just ask me for advice and how to approach the other person. I gave them my advice and then they followed through with it. The outcome was as I predicted. It got a bit messy, but the person did not want to make me the middleman. They were trying to figure it out on their own. After they talked to that person they called me back and said how it went and thank me for the advice. Then the other side called me and I had a good idea why. I knew their mannerisms and how they would react then I pointed them out and rationalized the other party's grief. 

  The thing is though they both felt a lot better after they talked with me. I guess that makes me feel good that I can help my family when they need it, and I know they're trying to learn to become better people.

  I just think having family members that are quick to upset or anger I got used to always being the calm one. Which is ironic when I went to school in junior high I was a very angry kid and now I try to keep my anger under control.  I try to keep calm most of the time. 

  I think that the reason why the middleman works is because the  middleman is normally a neutral party, and is trying to understand both sides. Then on top of that explaining the side of one party to the other and vice versa. It's like the illusion of the person who's in the middle has no invested interest in the dispute but they can see it with a clear mind. 

   I've already been into two talks this week that was just airing the grievances. I'm surrounded by good people who if we have issues with one another we don't let it sit in boil to get to a point where we resent and hate each other. We bring it up almost as soon as it happens, almost. we try to solve the problem right then and there and it normally ends with a hug or a handshake depending on parties. 

  Sometimes I think though the hardest thing to tell someone is the truth and sometimes the truth hurts. All I know is if something is making you unhappy, or angry,or sad and it's being caused by a loved one even if it's unintentional. It's good to let them know because they might not know what they are doing.  I've learned a lot about being the middleman it's being calm, collective, patient, sympathetic, rational, caring, understanding, empathetic, and a good listener. I don't add or say anything extra. Normally when I'm the middle man I just point out what I know, what the facts are between them, and what each of them are trying to convey, and how they feel. 

  I would not say I enjoy being the middleman, but sometimes someone's got to do it. I've gained quite a lot of good skills out of being one. 

Sifu Langner