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 I need to change my current environment. I live with my parents right now. I did live on my own before, but I had to move back in with my parents. I got into a major car accident a few years ago. I had to go under one year of physical therapy and I had very little income. I would be in financial despair if my parents did not let me move back. They also really helped me during those hard times. They also helped me save up some money to start looking into my first home.

I love and really appreciate what my parents did for me, but living here is in my comfort and mediocrity box. It has a little bit to do with them and all to do with me. I found my mental and physical state became better after I left my home the first time. I know there is nothing to prevent me to achieve better things for me now, they are just convenient excuses. 

It feels like I have a heavy weight of bad habits and laziness that feel like they get encouragement and reinforcement when I live at home. I love them and they love me. So not to much to be upset about. I do have full confidence once I move out into  the struggles of real life with bills and debt; seems to be something I am chasing for. Not just those things, but more importantly for me independence.

The responsibility of taking care of everything about myself drove me. Motivated me to become better. So I am currently looking at houses. I am just waiting for some info from my employer to see what kinda mortgage I can get.

For me living at with my parents is to easy. I thank my parents for giving me the opportunity to have a comfortable life. I yearn for a bit of complications. Hopefully not to big of complications, but life will give and take and hopefully I get to see another great journey ahead.

Sihing Langner

Physical Awareness

I think I need to be more aware of myself. I always find small new cuts or bruises on myself. Then I never know where the damage came from. Makes me feel as though even at work I am still trying to put my best foot forward and do a good job, but my self care for myself takes a bit of a back seat. I do wear proper protective gear. I take the precautions needed when working near or on live electric panels. I just find at the end of most days I have a small injury on my body I have never seen before. 

So when I work I am engaged, now I need to become engaged in myself and take care of it. 

Sihing Langner

A Wolfs story

 An old man told his grandson, 

“My son, there is a battle between two wolves inside us all”

“ One is evil. It is anger, jealousy, greed, resentment, inferiority, lies, and ego. The other is good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, humidity, kindness, empathy, and truth.”

The boy thought about it.

and asked,

“ Grandfather, which wolf wins?”

The old man quietly replied,

                            “ The one you feed”

This is just a small story I found I feel as though this rings fairly true right now for me. I need to feed the wolf I want to be in my life.

Sihing Langner

Tomorrow

 I have another night shift week. So this time I remembered to blog sooner rather then just during my break. 

I find it interesting the concept of tomorrow. It is a promise day that never comes.By saying, I will accomplish something tomorrow A sense of relief can come. A falsified idea that I tell myself “ see I said I was going to do it so now I have to just wait till tomorrow. The same day my magic powers come in”. 

Tomorrow is the very foundation for mediocrity when trying to complete objectives. Why can’t I spend time today towards my  goals. Well let me just pick from my list of excuses. I’m sure one will suffice. A huge part of tomorrow is priorities. To achieve something extraordinary the objective has to be moved up higher on the priority list and become today and every day. I think I’m gonna try some positive reinforcement for myself I will say “ I will eat healthier today, I will practice kung fu today, I will exercise today, I will study my Japanese today”. 

Finally to get rid of tomorrow the follow-through. If I want to lose tomorrow, I start today.

Sihing Langner