Learning

Hello. So this pandamodium was a great success; of making people more aware of our five charity's. This was our first year without doing 24 hours of kung fu, but this also might be the first time it really felt all about the charity's. They were the star and shined like one. Not saying every other year was not about them, just this year seemed more focused.
  I enjoyed teaching other about whats so cool about northern lights wolf center. I loved the idea of people getting to know more about the charity's. Then you ask then what they think, and if they did not say a lot, I really enjoyed letting them know more. Also got to enjoy talking and setting up the day with my fellow I ho chaun members and kung fu class mates.
  I really enjoyed my first ever lion dance drumming. I learned a lot about my self and those around me. I learned I get really tense when I am nervous and makes drumming a lot harder, but still fun. I also learned that a few people are going through the stage fright I used to when ever we performed a demo. I was so bad that I would black out during my performance and not even remember what I just did. I don't fear demos like I used to. I would not say I'm not nervous about doing a good job, but I can handle it a lot better and I know I can do any demo we do now with no fear.
  I am no longer Randy Langner the shy, fearful, self-loathing, feel really sick at any social event(still kinda if it is really social stuff, but way better now). I'm Randy Langner the wears costumes, plays drums,want to help out, not fearful, some what confident( still working on this one:)     ) self believing, wants to make myself and those around me better then they already are, person.
 I May not be in the best of shape now but I know I will accomplish this goal of mine to become fit again. It will take time, but not impossible. I have lost weight once before I can do it again.
  I also learned to appreciate the smallest of gestures, like having getting "1000" high fives, or simply getting someone water, or showing of a smile to brighten ones day. It was truly a great day. Hope everyone ahas a great day.



Sifu R. Langner

 

Remember Myself

Hello everyone I am currently on the up and up path. I hope to stay in that way forever. I had a good talk about letting the wrong guy making the decisions. I once made a lot of good decisions and committed to those decisions. I was reminded that I can choose which guy drives my life. I am the master of my life and currently on a path of trying to appreciate, and except myself for who I really am.
 I forgot that I was a guy who told others what he had planned to do then followed through with those plans. I forgot I was a guy who wanted to take the ordinary and make it extraordinary. I forgot I do have time for kung fu in my life. I say was but I am that guy and hope to stay as that guy.
 I consider myself really lucky, because most people like me when they get depressed don't have an arsenal  of tools and opportunity to get themselves out of that situation. I have Family, Friends, and the 2nd family at kung fu, and myself. I have all of these things to help me become the best person I can become. I also hope to return the favor someday.
  Well that it for now hope to see you all next time.



Sifu R. Langner

Shame

Hey.        I am becoming something that I am not; nor want to be. Every time I get the opportunity to go to kung fu I avoid it. Every time I try to make my life better I avoid it. On days I can go to kung fu I start to feel lethargic, and nervousness, and fear. Nervous that I have become worse and don't want to show anyone. Fearful of the friends I have disappointed in me not going. Fear in myself for not trying harder. I guess you could replace the word fear with guilt. Also I don't like making these sad or depressing blogs, but I guess you could say it is easier for me to tell you through blog rather in person. Then I feel nervous once again after I make a blog like this. Thinking to myself that oh there goes Randy again being sad and depressed again.
  I used to be a really good team member in the I Ho Chuan. I tried really hard to change my life and become a better person. Now I just feel like a charity case and slowly going back to who I used to be before I joined the I Ho Chuan team. Always whining  and never changing my ways and instead of inspiring other I could be possibly holding others back. I am not gonna lie I am pretty sad every day. It's hard to even try in my school for 3rd year right now.
   I don't want pity, but I feel like thats all I ever ask for. I do know a lot of what I said is bull and I know a lot of it is just in my head. Anyways I just don't know what to do. I do but I don't.


Sifu R. Langner

Do. Or do not. There is no try.

Hello everyone well you might have guest at what this blog might be about already. I know whenever I hear this quote from yoda I always thought how is there no try? I thought don't we always say we try new things, or try to make our lives better, or try to make the community  you live in better, we try our hardest, we will try harder next time.
   Then I realized what the word try might come across as. When you say you will try something there is instantly an excuse we can put there for when we did not try something. You either did try it out or you did not. Emphases Do. Or do not. Now I have never looked so deeply into a star wars quote before, but I started to think of this quote after our  Saturday meeting.
  Now it turns out we can try out millions of different ideas and experiences, but only do some that we follow through with. I am trying to lose weight but have I lost any weight yet, no I have not, so currently I am in the do not stage right now. If I want to lose weight I just can't say I am trying to lose weight I have to actively do lose weight. I have to get the mind set, the diet, and exercise if I want any chance at losing weight.
  Now all I need to do is move myself over from the do not list. Which in all honesty scares me a little. I want to, I will lose weight.
    This next bit here I am about to write is just for me. so you don't need to read it, since it might sound repetitive and just literary me talking to myself.

I will lose wight, I will eat healthier by buying my own grocery's and making healthy meals. I will go to kung fu on Wednesday, Thursday, and Saturday. I will do my push ups and sit ups everyday, I will go to the gym on Fridays. I will lose weight because I don't like being big anymore. I will get to wear more different types of clothes. I will build my confidence in myself. I will be happy. I will become a do and no longer be a do not, or try. I will stop being so lazy and stop procrastinating. (I am legit happy that I knew how to spell the word procrastinating, without spellcheck. did not know I knew how.  if anyone read this) I will become a better person and a better friend. I will record my numbers and acts of kindness.


Sifu R. Langner

Big and Small

Hey so I was thinking about how to change in my life and kung fu. Normally I want to accomplish grand goals but sometimes I forget what need to be done to achieve these grand goals in life. Those are the little everyday goals; that can end up one day accomplishing something amazing.
  Like for example losing weight. When I was 310 lbs I wanted to lose a bunch a weight and become healthier.  I ended up losing over 130 lbs within in 6 months and at one time weighed180 lbs. I achieved a grand goal, but did not recognize all the small little accomplishments I was making along the way . I did not recognize the little bit of weight I lost daily, the healthier eating I was doing, nor the more active person I became. I just knew I lost a bunch of weight and that was that.
   I no longer weigh that obviously, but I have been making a steady climb back to 310 lbs. I am sad to say I am closer to being 310 lbs then to the 180 I once achieved. I know in my mind what need to be done but always lack the follow through. I now appreciate those little achievements I was able to pull off back then, because it meant I was sticking to something to become a healthier human being.
  I know my last blog talked about being more positive with my word, but I still fear jumping into it we both feet, because I know what I am like. I can write down here.
     " I am going to start eating healthier by going to the grocery store and buying my own food, and I won't eat what my parents cook for me anymore. I will eat more greens and fruits, and less meat, and carbs. I will be more active by going to kung fu Wednesday, Thursday, and Saturday. I will start working out more, by going to the gym and developing a routine of sorts that is maintainable for me. I will watch less t.v.  I will like myself."
   For me I can say these things, but by tomorrow I will not try any of it, nor will I feel good about making that decision. If I tell family and friends some will ask me so how is it coming along, or a general question about how I am doing with what I am trying to accomplish. I will say I have not started it yet, or I will start eventually. Then everyone forgets that I even said I would try this. Then I will write another blog about how I will need to change my lifestyle, and become more healthier. Rinse Repeat.
   I am in  a vicious cycle of getting nothing done. I really do want to say I will and I can, but it is hard for me to do so when your only accountability is myself and myself does not care. I think until I can get myself to care I am stuck in a cycle.
  Well this blog got out of hand. I just wanted to talk about appreciating all the small goals that you make when trying to achieve a big goal. Anyways I am a work in progress and I truly hope to make more improvements in my life.

Sifu R. Langner
 

What's Next?

Hello everyone I was thinking to myself what I need to do to change my attitude towards kung fu and my life. I figure I should start with the words I say. I would say even this week I ended up saying negative stuff about myself in life and my kung fu. I seem to not accept anything good about myself, and when practicing to become better I tell myself how horrible I am, and I will never get better no matter how long, or hard I try.
   I need to try and catch myself when I do this and start to re-phrase what I say. For example I said "apparently my drumming is really bad and not up to snuff." Now no one told me this, but this is what I had thought. What I should of said is "I feel like I still have a lot to learn and can't wait to learn more." Just by changing the way I said "I still need a lot of practice" brought into the equation two completely trains of thought. I changed it from not feeling of any improvement has been made and I will never make it; to a student who realizing they learned a lot and is looking forward to what they can accomplish if they keep going.
The Power of words have a power of putting you in the improper mind set of a challenge all because the speaker chose some bad words to say over a more optimistic way of looking at things.
What this new ,I guess sorta game, I do is whenever things are going bad for me or others around me. I start telling a story on how well can I turn what is going on to them seem better. Basically  create the silver lining; then focus on that.
   Words are not just words . They can become your worst nightmare or be your best friend.I am current trying to become more involved in my life, by listen to the negative words I say to myself and try to rephrase what I say to become more positive look on my out life and kung fu. 

Well I would like to start leaving my little quote's on here again so I'm gonna.
we are all ordinary people, but we all have the possibly of doing extraordinary action.





Sifu R. Langner

Old Friend

Hello everyone I know it has been awhile since I last posted a blog. I guess you could say I am a bit scared right now to jump with both feet in. This has do you with my kung fu and my life. I know right now I need to make a change in my diet, training, and my overall approach to my life. I fear and worry of losing time on other things I like to do, but accomplish nothing, but makes me feel relaxed. I get home form work and sit and rest until the next day all the while I eat unhealthy.
   I know how and what I need to do to lose the weight, but this time feels different. I had an iron will and determination that would not faultier in the goal of losing weight and becoming healthier. This time I waiver and doubt that I will go through with the changes permanently. I feel like I will try for a week then give up like I have done so many times in the past. Except for the one time when I did not.
  I am not sure where or how I got the iron will before; all I know is that it developed when I found out I was 310 lbs. When I first found out that info I was shocked that I had become over 300 lbs. I could not accept this, so I changed my life around lost my weight and re-joined kung fu again and got my black belt. Now I look and the scale and I do not like what I see, but my iron will is not reborn.
 
  I guess now that I re read this blog I get the sense of engagement of my life has changed drastically. When I lost my weight I was very engaged and the tools of kung fu and I Ho Chuan helped me stay engaged. Then when I stopped using the tools provided for me I became less engaged in my own life. Now that I have not been doing so many of the requirements it all makes sense to me now why I have started on this path, I have unfortunately started.
  Every requirement that the I Ho Chuan ask of all of us is not impossible. Every requirement on there accomplish something different, but they also all accomplish one goal as well. That is becoming more aware and engaged in your surroundings and your own well being. I have been struggling and wondering how I was gonna change my life back to where I was more engaged for the longest time and I just realized now that it has been in front of my face this whole entire time. I Ho Chuan requirements if I do them I will see results I will like, if I don't do them I will be in the current state I am currently in. I plan to try harder in the rest of my I ho chuan year, and the next one after that as well.
  You know there is a reason why I chose the title old friend. Blogging has sometime helped me think clearer or find an answer I have been struggling for the longest time. Then I write a blog, and the blog listens, I work through what is going in my head and the blog listens, I re-read my blog and the blog gives helpful advice. Now to me that sounds like a good friend to have, and when you neglect a good friend like that, things tend not to go as well. So I will end this for now and say thank you old friend.



Sifu R. Langner