Why do I live?

 I have always wondered why am I conscious of me and my surroundings. Why am I going through life? What am I trying to accomplish? Will I just be another human that lived during a random century, or will I become remembered in history for something? Do I want to be remembered in history?
    I feel like sometimes I exist to make others happy my parents, friends, family. I strive for a career that is interesting, but what else? I enjoy my hobbies, reading, Kung Fu, food, friends, but all of this feels just okay. I live for others because I would feel horrible if I was to cause anyone pain from me being gone. Is that alright though? to just live because others would be sad? I don't feel a strong drive for being alive. I feel as though I am here just until I am done then that's it. I want to accomplish things of course; like becoming a better black belt, becoming really good at my job, travelling more of the world. I would say starting a family, but I don't see that happening anytime soon. Rather it might never happen ever.
   I would say right now I am still striving for the most out of life. I know when I am with others I feel amazing and have tons of fun, but when I am by myself I am just in standby mode waiting for someone to come along so I may activate again and have fun. I do have genuine fun when I am doing any of these things I have said here, and sometimes can't wait until next time.
   I am just confused right now. I guess you could say a lot of this thought does stem from never being in a real relationship. Where someone wants you and is interested in you. You know it physically hurts my heart and I feel it whenever I think about that.  I want to share my life with someone, but I don't think I will ever get the chance. If I do, I feel like I will be on my death bed by the time I get to feel any of that.
  Well I don't like this blog. I don't like it when I do the whole "poor me" blog.

Sifu Langner

Thoughts

Hello I think I understand now why some people are happy when they find out there are not gonna live for a long time anymore. I have heard of a few stories where people find out they are gonna die, but then realize everything in life they used to be worrying about goes away, because they don't have to deal with life anymore. They find what truly makes them happy and go for it, because what is the worst that could happen when you already know what's the worst thing is going to be.
  It got me thinking about what are things do I worry about and what have I done to change them. I worry about my health, I worry of never meeting anyone, and being alone for the rest of my life, I worry about how well my family is doing. I worry how I will be able to react when two of my best friends leave me to pursue there wildest dreams.
   What have I done so far is I am taking better care of myself and more conscious of my well being and nutrition. I haven't really been looking to hard for someone  else to share my life with, I am good at finding very great woman that are already spoken for; so a no go. I am unsure if I should interfere with my parents problems. I fully support my friends chose in moving and would not them to do anything different. I just want them to be happy forever. I will deal and make new friends. I believe it is a skill we all have, some better at it than most.
   It was a lesson in I should not wait to be told I am only going to live for so much longer and just embrace living the best I can now.

   I think I know why some  were happy, because it is easier to die and much harder to live. 


Sifu Langner

Great Night

Hello everyone what an amazing night that was. I just want to congratulate the three new black belts and three promoted black belt. What an amazing achievement you have all made. I think since I have been doing this banquet for so long that my year does not really start over until I have been to our banquet. This new year I am aiming to create big change. I want to be a bigger part of kung fu this year and a bigger part of I Ho Chuan this year. I do have a few plans of self improvement. I am in the pursuit of happiness for myself this year. I just hit the big 3 0 this year and I feel like life for me is about to start for me. When I turned 20 I did not feel this good. I can't think properly right now to blog because I am just so pumped about this year. I am gonna do some push ups right now then go to bed. GO PIG TEAM

Sifu Langner

What A Night

Hello everyone. My friends and I play games every Friday night. If we all can make it we play Dungeons and Dragons (D & D role playing game). If only some then we play other games like Talisman, Arkham Horror 1st, 2nd, or 3rd edition, or Pathfinder. We really enjoy this time, because we get so involved into the story some of these game make and some of the epic events that happen during the game.
    Well just this Friday we all were able to meet up and play our beloved D & D. It had been about 5 months since we played last, because one of our players had to leave for 5 months. So I was supper pumped about playing Friday; just because it has been so long. All in all the night went amazingly well. We talked, laughed, strategized, and of course role played.
    Once the game session was done for the night we ended up talk about it even more until 1:30 am. So as we always do we head out to our cars to head home, but this is where the night takes a turn. As I go to my car I see someone try and drive on the park grounds. Which I am closely parked buy. He ends up getting stuck. Inside I am thinking to myself "ha deserves you right for being an idiot". Then as I start my car and start to clean my car off. He comes out of the car and start to walk towards me. I am already thinking "oh no he is gonna ask for help and I already know I am going to say yes". I don't mind helping people out of unfortunate events, but ones they cause themselves by being purposely stupid I rather not, but I will still help, because it is still the right thing to do.
   So he ask me and I say yes, then my friends in the other vehicle were puling out to leave, then the man bangs on my friend 2 window (a bit hard) to ask him as well. My friend 2 opens the door and talks with him, but he was being a very rude towards him, but my friend 2 quickly diffuses the situation and says they will help too.
   Now this is where things get sketchy. The man open up the back door and leans in to grab my blind friend 3 out and tell him that he had to get out and help too. I quickly pull him back gently, because that was uncalled for, but the man reply's to my light physical gesture to moves back. Now my friend 1 who has endured the man banging on his car twice finally had enough after he went after his life long friend 3. he tell this man to leave and get out of here and no longer has any intentions to help him, but the man was not backing down. Maybe because my friend 1 looks like the king of all nerds, but I am thinking it was because this guy was drunk or on something. They were having a stare off and a few choice words.
  Then it happened he punch my friend 1 in the face and broke his glasses and gave him a bleeding nose. This is where I step in. I will absolutely not tolerate any harm to come to people I care about. I took him down in seconds. I applied a choke since I was directly behind him and corkscrewed down to the ground to immobilize him as quick as possible; he was not gonna hit my friend 1 a second time. I called my friend 2 over to help with keeping him restrained, because well friend 2 was the one that was gone for 5 months, because he was teaching a course in the army about tactics. He is also a military police officer. So me and him him had the guy secured. I asked my Friend 3 to call 911 and then me and friend 2 waited 15 minutes on the ground for the cops to show up. During that time he threaten to kill me or find me, but I was not gonna move, because I did not even know if he had a weapon on him. It was a chance I was not willing to take.

So I learned a lot about myself that night. I feel grateful for learning about grappling and how to use my body to the best of my advantage and how to use there own body against them. I learned since in this situation it might have been easier to just make him pass out, but I did not feel confident enough to apply the right amount of pressure for the right amount of time. In a different situation I would, but I felt safe enough and was worried if I made him pass out what other possible complications could arise. With the years of training I have had at kung fu and had been in altercations before. I was able to stay calm and collected and was able to control the situation right away. It was a long 15 mins, but I was in completely relax state while inflicting the proper amount of encouragement to the guy for him to stay still. 

It finally all ended about 3:30 am and I was finally able to go home and into bed so I could go to lion dance practice in 8 in halve hours. Well that was my night and hope to have no more, but I now know I have what it takes to protect people I care about.



Sifu Langner

Changes

Hello so I notice in my family a lot of changes since I moved out. The most obvious change for me was how I started to take care of myself, and eating healthier, and not worrying about what my parents might be going through. I have also seen my parents change and react in complete opposite ways in how I thought they would act. They seem to be talking to each other more, and they are even eating healthier.
   It seems me moving out was the best decision for all of us. I am on a new path of improvement. It's seems to be a short blog today, but that might be because I am out of practice. I will be making more for sure to come, and gain back some of my blogging ability. 




Sifu R. Langner

Taking Action

Hello it's been awhile. I decided to take my own advice and take action and blog. Since I have been slowly improving my life. Eating healthier, working out more, and trying to do more kung fu; so I thought I may as well bring back blogging into my life. I know blogging has got me through a lot of tough times and let me reflect on the positives in my life. SO since it had been awhile here are somethings that I would like to say but have not since I was not blogging.

I got to do my first live drumming lion dance. I was super nervous yet excited at the same time. It was so much fun. I realized later that I had position the drum right behind the lion so it was really hard to see when he was doing the blinking, but I think it was not so bad. That was a really great day.

I have been on this new eating plan that my landlord put me on. A lot of the things he talks about correlates to what kung fu teaches and is about. He pretty much said the success is depends on you, you have to be the one responsible to eat healthy and sticking to it. Just like in kung fu they can show you a form, and even improve upon it, but they can't force you to train and practice on your own. You have to be disciplined. If you work hard there will be results.

I have been enjoying living on my own lately and I have been cooking a lot for myself and enjoying the outcome when one of the dishes I make turns out well. Like today I experimented with making a cauliflower pizza crust today. It turned out pretty tasty it was a bit of work, but worth it. super tasty. The recipe told me it was good for six, but it is good for six gerbils maybe. I'm going to double the recipe next time.

 

Well that's all that I can think of right now so see you all next time.

Sifu R. Langner

Do you see me?

To be noticed you must be in life.
To be unnoticed you must hide.
To be noticed you must be engaged.
To be unnoticed you must distance.
To be noticed you must be strong.
To be unnoticed you must be weak.
To be noticed you must strive.
To be unnoticed you must give up.
To be noticed you must be unusual
To be unnoticed you must be usual.
To be noticed you must perform.
To be unnoticed you must be still.
To be noticed you must risk.
To be unnoticed you must be safe.
To be noticed you must love.
To be unnoticed you must hate.
To be noticed you must be brave.
To be unnoticed you must be shy.
To be unhappy you must pretend.
To be happy you must be you.




Sifu R. Langner