The Middleman

Something happened to me today that hasn't happened in a while. I was the middleman for a dispute between family members. This time was a little different though. Normally I'm the one who has to be calming one family member down or the other. Then I rationalized and calmly speak to the other one to clearly state what the other party was trying to say. 

  This time though one family member just ask me for advice and how to approach the other person. I gave them my advice and then they followed through with it. The outcome was as I predicted. It got a bit messy, but the person did not want to make me the middleman. They were trying to figure it out on their own. After they talked to that person they called me back and said how it went and thank me for the advice. Then the other side called me and I had a good idea why. I knew their mannerisms and how they would react then I pointed them out and rationalized the other party's grief. 

  The thing is though they both felt a lot better after they talked with me. I guess that makes me feel good that I can help my family when they need it, and I know they're trying to learn to become better people.

  I just think having family members that are quick to upset or anger I got used to always being the calm one. Which is ironic when I went to school in junior high I was a very angry kid and now I try to keep my anger under control.  I try to keep calm most of the time. 

  I think that the reason why the middleman works is because the  middleman is normally a neutral party, and is trying to understand both sides. Then on top of that explaining the side of one party to the other and vice versa. It's like the illusion of the person who's in the middle has no invested interest in the dispute but they can see it with a clear mind. 

   I've already been into two talks this week that was just airing the grievances. I'm surrounded by good people who if we have issues with one another we don't let it sit in boil to get to a point where we resent and hate each other. We bring it up almost as soon as it happens, almost. we try to solve the problem right then and there and it normally ends with a hug or a handshake depending on parties. 

  Sometimes I think though the hardest thing to tell someone is the truth and sometimes the truth hurts. All I know is if something is making you unhappy, or angry,or sad and it's being caused by a loved one even if it's unintentional. It's good to let them know because they might not know what they are doing.  I've learned a lot about being the middleman it's being calm, collective, patient, sympathetic, rational, caring, understanding, empathetic, and a good listener. I don't add or say anything extra. Normally when I'm the middle man I just point out what I know, what the facts are between them, and what each of them are trying to convey, and how they feel. 

  I would not say I enjoy being the middleman, but sometimes someone's got to do it. I've gained quite a lot of good skills out of being one. 

Sifu Langner

Peanut Butter Blogging Time

I did not forget about blogging, ok maybe a little. So my engagement in my Kung Fu has gone way done since I started this new night shift job. The only days I go to Kung Fu is on Saturday. I miss my classes and the ones I got to help in. Also I keep forgetting about Monday, and Wednesday morning classes. Even as I write this blog I realized I forgot that it was Monday. 

  I did not get to stay very long at the potato bake but it was a lot of fun. Potatoes were amazing, and I enjoyed our private performance.

  Also I thought it was kinda cool that I learned there is a group of cool people that play tag every year. Reminds me of that movie about those friends that played every year for a month no matter what. Literally they tagged this one guy when he wife was actually having a baby; delivery day. Those group of friends did it so they would never lose touch with each other. It's such a simple thing but powerful at the same time.  

  One more thing peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with banana in them are amazing.

  

Sifu Langner

Super Fun Time

So I have not wrote in awhile, so here is an update. I have to thank everyone that did not give me a time or day to be by myself during a pretty low time for me when I lost my job. I appreciate all the help and company you all provided me with and I am truly grateful for that. It helped me greatly.
  Then I found a job I was so happy that I could work again in such a short amount of time, that I did not look at the schedule of the shift. Now I start work at 3:30 P. M. So no more afternoon Kung fu, but there will still be morning kung fu.
  I got to go on a short motorcycle trip recently and it was so much fun. Just getting to enjoy the wind, and the road, and some of the sites I got to see, and most importantly the riding of the motorcycle.
 Also I realized today that some other people at kung fu are also playing D & D. Which got me hyped for my own game that I played tonight. I don't meet to many people who like or even know what D&D is. It's just awesome.
  Now I realized I have written so many negative blogs I am having a hard time blogging about the positive things in my life. I guess I am just gonna have to keep writing weekly and get better at it.
I will hopefully start becoming more consistent with my blogs from now on, and I realized I was gonna blog on Saturday, but I forgot my day does not end until like 3:00 A.M; so I thought I was still on the same day.


Sifu Langner

I Need to be Proud of my Life

So I got laid off this Friday. I know I am in a trade where that can happen a lot. I also was told this could happen when I rejoined them since they said the job was winding down had they had no other prospects. Even though I have finally finished all of my school being a fourth year or a brand new journeyman is the hardest thing to do right now, because we cost just a little to much and we don't have 30 years of experience yet.
    This will be the second time in my life I have ever been laid off. Once I would say was unjustly, but this time it was just cost effective. Cheaper to have a 3rd year who can do what I was working on rather than a 4th year. This is my first time going through money troubles though. Normally I would be living at home and built a bit of a nest egg and I would not worry to much but this time I have rent to pay. I would not say I am hurting for money yet, but it is uncomfortably low for me. I am glad I got to work what I could, which helped greatly, but I wish it was longer. I was running a little low just after school so I really needed this money more then ever.
  I almost wonder if it was the right decision to move out. On purely the money standpoint no it was not, but on the personal level I think I have made some great leaps and strides in growing as a person. I also realize more then ever that I am a late bloomer in the sense that most people my age have already lived that life and they are currently have a family and a house they are trying to pay off.
  It is sometimes hard to think how far behind I am in life when I think about it. I have no kids, no wife, no home of my own. I wish all my rent money was going towards my home instead of someone else's.
   Being laid off has put me in a very dark place. I know my biggest flaw is I want a special someone some day yet I do nothing about it, because I am to nervous to go to clubs to meet someone. If I do get a date, it always never feels right and there is never any interest from them for me. It is hard to be confident in myself when it seems to mean nothing. I hate being alone, it is the worst. The freedom of single life is worthless. I have spent over 30 years alone. I just want it to end, the silence, the knowing of going home to nothing, the not knowing if I will ever meet someone. It's hard not knowing what it feels like to have someone like you in a romantic way.
  I am thankful for my parents, and my great friends, and my Kung fu. Without them I would truly have nothing. Kung fu is the one place I don't feel like that. It is one the place I feel like where I have the potential to change my life.
  Jeff and I were talking once when I was in a dark place and I don't remember how it came about, but it is a saying that came out of nowhere and I wrote it on my fridge. It says "I need to be proud of my life" I feel like I say it and read it to myself everyday. I believe I am just trying to convince myself that those words are true. They have helped me a lot these words, and I hope one day I will believe them. Maybe if I keep reading and saying it every day I might believe it one day.

Sifu Langner

The Art of One

Hello so I have been thinking a lot lately about the power of just trying to master one technique. I have realize with how long I have been doing kung fu, I have had the great opportunity to do such a task. The thing about practicing one technique is that you get to see the intricacy of the move and how to make the technique become yours. When I speak of one technique I speak of moves like a horse stance, bow stance, thrust punch, and even push ups.
  I have practice just those techniques before, for maybe a week or two then I revisit them later. So a more off and on thing, but every time I revisit them I learn something new, and work harder to make them better. Whenever I practice these one moves I see sometime my timing is slightly off, or my intent has need to be more engaged, or my phrasing of the move it just not quite right. I learn these moves have to work for my body; while also using proper technique. I learn where the power comes from and why we apply our techniques the way we do. It is like going to the dictionary to look up a word you don't know, then you read what it means, then you find a unique way for yourself to remember the definition. When you figure a way to define it for yourself the word still means the same, but you now understand that word a lot better now that you studied it for a bit. 
  I can honestly say there is truly only one technique that I have been striving to master since I first learned the technique. That technique is the side heel thrust. When I first learned it I fell in love with the kick. One was because to me it looked the coolest. Two even when I was the worst student ever it was always the one thing I actually put effort into try and look the best in my class. Then when I returned to kung fu it was the first thing I started to perfect once again. Through the years of learning and trying to understand and master the side heel thrust, I realize I still have a long way to go before I have mastered the kick. I have learned so much about this one kick, even which muscle areas that help improve the kick if you make those muscles stronger. I truly love learning more all the time about this kick and I strive to be the best at this one technique.
  A huge but though even though I have spend so much time to master and understand all of these techniques I did not ignore the rest of my techniques if anything studying just one helped me improve others. The art of one is truly powerful if you put the time and effort into it.


Sifu Langner

Balance

I have been thinking about this since our meeting and I thought that balance in our life is never truly achieved forever. I have had times in my life where I have had everything figured out and balanced very nicely. I have also had moments where I am not even close to balance.
  I guess I am learning that we always strive for balance in our lives and we sometimes achieve it, but having balance in our lives can be a fragile thing. Just one little thing off kilter can completely put us off balance. I think in those moments is when you see a test of our adaptability to our situation and we see if we can return to balance. A huge thing I realized is that sometimes what used to be a balanced life for us is no longer valid and we must re-adjust our scales to fit our new lives; to once again achieve balance.
   I find it weird that if I ever achieved balance and then kept it for the rest of my life; I am not sure if I would enjoy it. I know I would like it for awhile, but is perfect balance the best? I don't think anyone can answer that question because I don't think anyone has ever achieved perfect balance. I believe a lot of people have had great balance for a period of time, but not forever. Oddly enough without imbalance there would be no such thing as balanced.
  So I guess you could say I believe that the real lesson behind trying to achieve balance is developing skills to adapt to life always.


Sifu Langner

First Time

I really enjoyed our farmers day. It is always an opportunity to attend similar events, but have a different experience every time. I find myself  looking back and how much time has passed. Looking back to when I first came back to kung fu, when I went for my black belt, when I met three new friends, my first blog, my first motorcycle, my first time performing a lion dance, my first time behind the drums, moving out on my own, my first time holding a newborn.
  So many things have happen and it all seems like it was yesterday. I learned that the reason why we try to say some times you have to live in the moment it's because you really only have that single point in time to experience your moment. Once it has passed it will seem like it happened for only a second. That one second though will live forever in your memory's promising you that there will be more to come.

Sifu Langner