Learning about Chi and my Kung Fu

Hello everyone in my black belt class I've been learning so many new things every time I go there. Sifu Brinker once said that he was jealous of white belts because everything they learn is all new to them and exciting and once you become a black belt that tends to almost completely be gone by then. For me it does not end there in black belt class it's like all the forms I ever did and all the techniques I ever did have become new again. I feel like a white belt at a black belt level thing seem new and exciting, yet I've done all these forms and techniques thousands of times already. The most recent thing were learning in Black belt class is feeling your chi in your forms. I have to tell you when I first focus on my chi while doing forms was crazy. After each form he made us to over again I felt very cold after finishing a form, but I would warm up later.
    I Also found a technique in kempo 3 that for me uses chi to great lengths. Two moves before the three deep breaths near the end of kempo 3. I feel all my chi in my stomach then I blast it out in one direction (with the double fist) then the other, and in that moment I feel really cold, but then the next step is to take those three big breaths and for me that is where I take back some of the chi I have just released. So how can I not be really excited about kung fu when I'm still learning more about myself and about kung fu. Even as I talk now I am feeling more pumped up right now like I got to get up and do it right now.
    Also another thing about chi, Sifu Brinker said before that when he does opening bow(past master  east) he is already warmed up and ready to go and his blood is pumping. I thought I try and use my chi in the opening bow, and holy cow I finally felt what he was talking about I was ready to go I was pumped; it was so awesome. Now I have not been able to do this repeatably yet, mainly because for me I have to really focus to do it. It gets me to thinking that to truly be in that moment of the opening bow you have commit everything to it and when you do you get the feeling Sifu Brinker has talked about. It's no easy task, but so amazing at the same time.
    Side note: I have yet to have a black belt class where I was not having my mind blown or mesmerized by something.
 Well that's all for now so remember stay extraordinary. (side note 2: I just realized to spell extraordinary you need ordinary lol)



Sifu R. Langner

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly Part 3

Hello well this is the final installment to this blog series.

The Good

   Well now that your all caught up with what has been happening to me it's about time to hear what I'm doing now. I had a long talk with my aunt, my Dad, my mom, Sharida Csillag, and most recently Jeff Brinker. They all had some great words to say to me and I thank all the people that took the time to talk to me. During all that depressed time the one thing that kept me going was my Friday night kung fu sessions. My black belt class, Sihing class, I Ho Chuan, and even San Sao; this day was my only anchor in life at the moment. 

   I had some talks that gave me a kick in the butt and others that got me to start thinking differently. I am no longer consumed by wanting a girlfriend; I still want one but it will happen when it happens. I still feel a little bad about what happened with my university, but I can move passed it now. Now thanks to my Dad I'm considering becoming a cop; so I have a goal in life again. Also I'm beginning to live life again it's no longer passing me by anymore. To be completely honest I'm still working through this depression of mine, but I'm no where near where I was a week ago; I'm definitely in a better mental state right now. Also I know my family would ever judge me harshly, because that is not the type of people you all are. It was just me overreacting and over thinking. 

    Also now I know that all depression has merit to everyone own problems, and should be treated seriously. Seeking help and dealing with it is better then saying that your depression is not as important as others; as I did. When I first got really depressed I was silent for far to long, but as soon as I started to talk with others I was becoming mentally and emotionally healed. Again I thank those that lent a listening ear and some encouraging advice.

   My aunt is doing well my life seem to be getting back on track again. I'm no longer have the feelings I described in part 2. I have been planning over a week on how to write this blog and now that I have, I feel even lighter. With ever talk I went through I have been feeling lighter and lighter and with this blog series even lighter now. I only have up to go from here now. I thank all of you who took the time to read this little series and if there is one thing that I have learned in this month is that talking about it truly is the best way to get better. You might not feel the need to go public like I did, but for me this was the best way to let everyone know what is happening with me. I started with the private talks first and now this blog. I can tell you for sure a month ago I would not even been able to write any of this down. So with everything said this is the end of  "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly" blog series and I hope we can all stay extraordinary.

Sifu R. Langner

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly Part 2

Hello well here is the next installment.

The Ugly

   Well after all that happened and now becoming consumed by wanted a girlfriend so bad I began to become very much so mentally unstable, and very depressed. I also became very ashamed for being kicked out of university. I started to think that I had disappointed my family and everyone at kung fu and scared to tell anyone what happen; in fear of being judged harshly. At the same time when I found out I was kicked out of university I thought to myself I'm not completely upset that I got kicked out, because I was not happy in university and that made me feel worse.

    Now that I was being consumed by wanting a girlfriend so bad, that I would feel my heart hurt so bad (literally) whenever I thought about not having a girlfriend. Then it got worse I began to feel ashamed for being as depressed as I was. I thought to myself I have so much positivity in my life and at my disposal; while others only wish they were in my situation. I have a loving family, great friends at kung fu, and of course kung fu itself. I started to think how selfish of me to be depressed over getting kicked out of university, almost losing my aunt, and not having a girl friend when I have so much else going in my life.

   I guess you can say I was on a downward spiral in life it just got worse and worse. I started to not enjoy having game night with my mom and friends. I only did it because I was just keeping up appearances. I began to live life as nothing but an empty shell; life began to pass me by I was no longer apart of it I became an inconvenience to life. This is how I was thinking about myself I had so much hatred and depression for myself I shut down.

    I will be ending this one here the last one The Good will be the next and again please leave any comment you might want to make till the last one.

Sifu R. Langner

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly Part 1

Hello everyone I will be doing a 3 part blog about me and what has been happening with me. I have so much to say that I think there will be lots of information that will be coming your way. Anyways here we go.

The Bad

Well for me this all started in the beginning of July. I went camping with my aunt and my mother. We were having a great time, until on the last day before we were going home I woke up and my aunt was still sleeping or so I thought. Me and my mom thought it be a good idea to let here sleep in since she has not been sleeping well. A couple hours later my aunt is still sleeping, so I thought i should go wake her up, but when I got in her tent she was laying face down on the ground in a little puddle of water in her tent. I tried waking her up, but she did not respond. I told my mom we need the ambulance. After she was finally picked up by the ambulance and in the hospital she flat line 3 times. I found out about this information after she was okay. By the way my aunt is doing a lot better now. Before we went camping she was told she had an intestinal cancer, but they were wrong it turned out she had Pancreatitis and because it was not being taken care of properly she almost died from it. 

     Now after all this I come home from camping feeling worried so I decided to check my e-mail and when I do I find out that I have been kicked out of university do to my low grades. I had a plan for my second year that would of helped me increase my grades, but obviously I never got to implement it. Also I was allowed to appeal there decision, but I got that e-mail 10 days after the due date to appeal.

     My whole world seem to be falling apart on me. When I was going to university I thought I may be alone right now, but at least I have a goal I'm aiming for. Now that was taken away from me, and almost losing a loved one. For me the realization on how badly I wanted a girlfriend consumed me, not wanting to be alone.

   I will have to end this one here for now, because the next one is definitely where it gets ugly. Also please leave don't leave any comment on here till the third blog that is post.



Sifu R. Langner