Never forget, but keep movnig forward

Hello everyone this blog today I will be talking about my experience of when I joined kung fu, when I quit ,and when I came back, and what it has done for me now. Some of you have heard this story before; from me, or my blog.This story is very important for me, because it reminds me of what I used to be like and how far I have come.  I also like this story because whenever I tell this story I hope to inspire or even change someones life. I know that is asking a lot of a personal story, but I really hope it can make a positive impact for someone. This ones long so grab some grub or a drink and hopefully enjoy :)

   I was going to elementary when I first joined kung fu. I joined because my friend was going to attend. I later found out that my friend had entered into another martial arts. I was not thrilled, but I did not quit, because at least me and him could still talk about are martial arts together. Eventually he quit his martial arts, but I continued to attend kung fu. I never quit because I was to polite and shy; I thought if I quit that I would hurt there feelings.
     I did not hate nor despise kung fu yet, but eventually I started to grow my hatred and resentment towards kung fu. I saw kung fu as a bunch of hoops and hurdles; to get to the next belt level. The curriculum at the time was growing and becoming better, but to me it was all unnecessary.  I was the perfect bad student; I did not try, I did not sweat, I did not care. I was just a lump of flesh that moved and breathed.
     Unknown to me at the time kung fu was already benefiting me greatly and I could not even see it. I was a very angry kid, my mother was called to the school a lot; do to an incidents between teachers, or bully's, or me just having a bad day. Kung fu for me was actually helping me how to deal with my anger and how to deal with bully's in a better way, and I did not see this.
   I eventually made it to sihing level, but I created so much negativity towards kung fu by this time I was blinded by it. I made it to sihing, but I now know I only got it because it was a tool to help me. I was definitely not sihing material and at that time would never become a black belt even if I attended for the rest of my life at the rate I was going. I would make up so many useless excuses of why I could not make kung fu. I was sick, I was not feeling well, I was tired, I was sore; I just did not want to be there. I had created such a negative place; in what I now know to be the most positive place that I have ever known.

   Now come the time when I eventually quit. I did not even tell them in person that I quit; just one summer I took it off and then never returned. At that moment when I finally realized I quit I was so happy I felt like I became so much lighter without kung fu. I saw kung fu as something holding me back. What I did not realize is that I just got rid of immense positivity from my life; I had created a small little hole in me.
    I quit for three years and things got a lot worse for me. I eventually finished school and went to college. I was miserable and became 310 lbs when I was attending college;I did not like myself and was even more of a shut-in.
   Of course my hatred for kung fu was not dying down anytime soon, because every year my mother went for her black belt and failed I thought to myself that I am right. They make you jump through to many hoops just to get a black belt, and what useless thing it was to have to do 50,000 push ups and sit ups. My mother was super persistent she never gave up, most people when they fail the test once they might quit. People who fail the test twice would for sure quit, but my mother kept telling me she will get her black belt some day you just wait. I never once believed her, until the day she finally got her black belt.
    My mother finally earned that black belt, and for the first time I saw my mother in a different light. I saw everything that kung fu has done for her, I saw everything that she had accomplished, I saw someone who had changed as a human being. She was surrounded by so much positivity I did not even recognize what it really looked like, she made so many friends, and she was so happy.
    This was not the same kung fu I remembered, but in reality it was the kung fu that was always there for me, and I did not even know it. At the time I had lost all my weight and was 200 lbs(I'm 212 lbs right now by the way). I became inspired to try and get the black belt for myself now. I was not just going for it now just to say "yup did that" no I wanted what my mother experienced I wanted to become a better person and become a positive influence in life.
  
     I had finally come back to kung fu; this time I joined for all the right reasons. I joined for myself. The whole experience when I first came back felt so surreal, because all the black belts around me used to be people I used to train with in the same belt level and now they were teaching. Also when I attended my first class back I sweated up a huge storm, and I later found out that Sifu Brinker did not even know that I could even sweat till that day.
   I no longer saw hoops and hurdles, but what I saw were doors and windows; both of them giving me an opportunity to become a better person if I wanted. I finally realized everything they every made me to do was never forced on me, but like a giant opportunity apple given to me and I used to swat it away whenever presented.These people were not trying to make my life hell they just wanted to make the best me I could become. I had finally filled that hole in me that I created so long ago; I had finally accepted positivity and change into my life.
  
   Now for me in the present I know I have changed so much and know I am no longer that quiet, shy, anger little boy anymore. I see kung fu as something now that has permanently changed my life forever. I have finally started my own journey that my mother started so long ago.
    Now that I am a black belt I know my eyes are even more open now then they used to be. I see kung fu in a new light everyday, I never get bored of forms I have practice a 1000 times, because I learn something new every time I practice. If anything I have a whole new world to discover as a black belt and you know what the best part is? I think that I will never discover the whole new world of kung fu and I can't wait to discover as much as I can. I think that kung fu for me will always remain new, fresh, and vibrant. It's like always meeting up with an old friend you have not seen in awhile; you know a lot about them, but they always keep growing and changing.

   Anyways if you made it to the end here I thank you for taking your time to read my blog toady. Kung fu has truly changed my life, and I hope to be able to do it for someone else someday. So remember everyone stay extraordinary.



Sifu R. Langner