So I got laid off this Friday. I know I am in a trade where that can happen a lot. I also was told this could happen when I rejoined them since they said the job was winding down had they had no other prospects. Even though I have finally finished all of my school being a fourth year or a brand new journeyman is the hardest thing to do right now, because we cost just a little to much and we don't have 30 years of experience yet.
This will be the second time in my life I have ever been laid off. Once I would say was unjustly, but this time it was just cost effective. Cheaper to have a 3rd year who can do what I was working on rather than a 4th year. This is my first time going through money troubles though. Normally I would be living at home and built a bit of a nest egg and I would not worry to much but this time I have rent to pay. I would not say I am hurting for money yet, but it is uncomfortably low for me. I am glad I got to work what I could, which helped greatly, but I wish it was longer. I was running a little low just after school so I really needed this money more then ever.
I almost wonder if it was the right decision to move out. On purely the money standpoint no it was not, but on the personal level I think I have made some great leaps and strides in growing as a person. I also realize more then ever that I am a late bloomer in the sense that most people my age have already lived that life and they are currently have a family and a house they are trying to pay off.
It is sometimes hard to think how far behind I am in life when I think about it. I have no kids, no wife, no home of my own. I wish all my rent money was going towards my home instead of someone else's.
Being laid off has put me in a very dark place. I know my biggest flaw is I want a special someone some day yet I do nothing about it, because I am to nervous to go to clubs to meet someone. If I do get a date, it always never feels right and there is never any interest from them for me. It is hard to be confident in myself when it seems to mean nothing. I hate being alone, it is the worst. The freedom of single life is worthless. I have spent over 30 years alone. I just want it to end, the silence, the knowing of going home to nothing, the not knowing if I will ever meet someone. It's hard not knowing what it feels like to have someone like you in a romantic way.
I am thankful for my parents, and my great friends, and my Kung fu. Without them I would truly have nothing. Kung fu is the one place I don't feel like that. It is one the place I feel like where I have the potential to change my life.
Jeff and I were talking once when I was in a dark place and I don't remember how it came about, but it is a saying that came out of nowhere and I wrote it on my fridge. It says "I need to be proud of my life" I feel like I say it and read it to myself everyday. I believe I am just trying to convince myself that those words are true. They have helped me a lot these words, and I hope one day I will believe them. Maybe if I keep reading and saying it every day I might believe it one day.
Sifu Langner
Sunday, 11 August 2019
Monday, 5 August 2019
The Art of One
Hello so I have been thinking a lot lately about the power of just trying to master one technique. I have realize with how long I have been doing kung fu, I have had the great opportunity to do such a task. The thing about practicing one technique is that you get to see the intricacy of the move and how to make the technique become yours. When I speak of one technique I speak of moves like a horse stance, bow stance, thrust punch, and even push ups.
I have practice just those techniques before, for maybe a week or two then I revisit them later. So a more off and on thing, but every time I revisit them I learn something new, and work harder to make them better. Whenever I practice these one moves I see sometime my timing is slightly off, or my intent has need to be more engaged, or my phrasing of the move it just not quite right. I learn these moves have to work for my body; while also using proper technique. I learn where the power comes from and why we apply our techniques the way we do. It is like going to the dictionary to look up a word you don't know, then you read what it means, then you find a unique way for yourself to remember the definition. When you figure a way to define it for yourself the word still means the same, but you now understand that word a lot better now that you studied it for a bit.
I can honestly say there is truly only one technique that I have been striving to master since I first learned the technique. That technique is the side heel thrust. When I first learned it I fell in love with the kick. One was because to me it looked the coolest. Two even when I was the worst student ever it was always the one thing I actually put effort into try and look the best in my class. Then when I returned to kung fu it was the first thing I started to perfect once again. Through the years of learning and trying to understand and master the side heel thrust, I realize I still have a long way to go before I have mastered the kick. I have learned so much about this one kick, even which muscle areas that help improve the kick if you make those muscles stronger. I truly love learning more all the time about this kick and I strive to be the best at this one technique.
A huge but though even though I have spend so much time to master and understand all of these techniques I did not ignore the rest of my techniques if anything studying just one helped me improve others. The art of one is truly powerful if you put the time and effort into it.
Sifu Langner
I have practice just those techniques before, for maybe a week or two then I revisit them later. So a more off and on thing, but every time I revisit them I learn something new, and work harder to make them better. Whenever I practice these one moves I see sometime my timing is slightly off, or my intent has need to be more engaged, or my phrasing of the move it just not quite right. I learn these moves have to work for my body; while also using proper technique. I learn where the power comes from and why we apply our techniques the way we do. It is like going to the dictionary to look up a word you don't know, then you read what it means, then you find a unique way for yourself to remember the definition. When you figure a way to define it for yourself the word still means the same, but you now understand that word a lot better now that you studied it for a bit.
I can honestly say there is truly only one technique that I have been striving to master since I first learned the technique. That technique is the side heel thrust. When I first learned it I fell in love with the kick. One was because to me it looked the coolest. Two even when I was the worst student ever it was always the one thing I actually put effort into try and look the best in my class. Then when I returned to kung fu it was the first thing I started to perfect once again. Through the years of learning and trying to understand and master the side heel thrust, I realize I still have a long way to go before I have mastered the kick. I have learned so much about this one kick, even which muscle areas that help improve the kick if you make those muscles stronger. I truly love learning more all the time about this kick and I strive to be the best at this one technique.
A huge but though even though I have spend so much time to master and understand all of these techniques I did not ignore the rest of my techniques if anything studying just one helped me improve others. The art of one is truly powerful if you put the time and effort into it.
Sifu Langner
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