4 Months

 So I thought I would give an  update on my well being, and situation. I met with my brain doctor last week and I was unsure what I was hoping for, but also ignoring the most likely outcome of our meeting. I have made really great progress form where I started, but I know I am still recovering. 

I still have balance issues, but that has done a lot better now. I used to need a walker to walk 15 m, now I do 50 mins on the elliptical. I still  have a lot of issues with doing forms and stances and even standing in one spot sometimes. My body now naturally sways like if buoy in the ocean. It has gotten better as well It used to be a sway like in a storm, now I am more like a windy day. 

Whenever I over exert myself physically I become dizzy and it becomes a lot harder to speak. I stutter and cannot remember the simplest words like 'car'; only when I become dizzy though so that is good.  I would say whenever I get into that state I start an internal fight with myself. I tell myself you can say those words without stuttering and you do know the next word. I might be to hard on myself for when I start feeling dizzy. I refuse the idea that I am in this current situation, but I am.

My meeting went good for the most part, but then do to the complications I am still experiencing I got another 4 months off of work. I don't know how to feel about it. Happy that I get more time to get back to functional, or sad and angry for having to do another 4 months. I know I have to take care of my health first, but mentally it takes a toll. These 4 months are gonna take me back to the anniversary the day I got into an accident. It will be 1 year since I last worked.

The mental side of things I would consider myself a late bloomer in the sense of starting my own life. I moved out of my parents home in my late 20's. I finally found a career I really enjoyed. I finally became an journeyman electrician, then I got into an accident. It feels as if I have had to rewind some of my life's progress. I will always fully appreciate everything my parents have done for me, and that they helped me greatly. If anything it made me love them more.

 I know I am getting better, because I am able to do kung fu again. I don't hate the fact I have been in the accident. I have learned a lot of valuable lessons and I am grateful for them and more to come.  I am not super happy about it either, but I have still been coming to terms with the process of everything. Maybe when I get dizzy it s okay that it makes me stutter. I know those moments of dizziness are also slowly disappearing. Past week I have not had any dizzy spells and I was more active. The physio is working.  I will never be where I used to be, but I will be better.

Sifu Langner