I find that when I work and not work I have an excuse for why I can’t do Kung fu. When I have work it’s easy to push off kung fu, because work can get busy and even require overtime. I just recently got transferred to a job in nisku where I have to get up at 4:30 am to get to work on time and I finish around 4:30 pm, but I don’t get home until at least 5:30pm.
It’s a 10 hour shift from 6 to 4:30, But even if I have a crazy schedule where I had many months of zero work, both have something in common. I did not practice kung fu as much. I would say working at least provides a bit of a better excuse, but it does not absolve me of my wrong doing.
I have to treat kung fu like my eating habits. I have to make better decisions in what I eat and make a healthy life style apart of my life and not just a diet. I have to make kung fu apart of a healthy life style and not just a diet.
Diet can work, but majority of time it’s a temporary fix and most of the time people who do diets get all their weight back, because they did not learn how to continue to live a healthier lifestyle.
Food and Kung fu a a very big part of my life and if I treat both well I prosper. If I neglect either one my life for me gets worse.
I do feel like week after week I call myself out and expecting different results. I say what are the right ideas then wait till next week to blog about it again. It’s not moving forward, but staying in limbo.
I should, I will, I can, I want, I need, but never I did, I accomplished, I’ve done, I’ve completed. I have said the first half enough times to be comparable to tomorrow.
The only thing I do have going for me is my belief in me. I believe that I will start making the right choice. The right decision, because I have before.
I will say right now mentally I am going down. Not fast but slowly. I have recognized my bad habits of demoralizing myself for where I am in life. I get asked multiple times followed by a surprise reaction on their part. They ask me if I have a family, or a wife, or a girlfriend. I say no. Then they found out I’m living in a basement and I’m 36.I guess the only good reaction they give me is they thought I was 25.
Those questions and surprised about how I’m 36 and I have none of those things mentioned, gets to me. I know the relationship thing is more heavily on my decision to be a hermit. I did not even consciously make that decision it was just comfortable to not risk anything. The consequences was being alone and more distant with everyone.
I honestly say some very dark things about myself more than I should. I’m not ignorant to what good things I have in my life, but I have spent years nurturing my negative side of myself. I slip into it so easy sometimes. I have periods of my life where it’s okay.
Simple everyday question should not make me mentally fall, but my life choices I have made have consequences and now I am receiving the reward for those choices. It hurts to be getting the results of the choices I made. Dark thoughts are easy, too easy. They require no real effort.
This blogs definitely all over the place. I am able to at least say I am trying to be better. Why am I making this harder than it has to be? I have not giving up and the sure sign of that is I’m still blogging. It’s one of the tethers I keep to keep me from sinking into the dark side of my mind. It’s not perfect but it keeps me engaged.
The day I stop blogging is the day I give up, or I’m not in the I Ho Chaun. Blogging has kept me going forwards even if it millimetres at a time.
I have no new numbers. Thank you for readying this mess of a blog.
