Insanity

I find that when I work and not work I have an excuse for why I can’t do Kung fu. When I have work it’s easy to push off kung fu, because work can get busy and even require overtime. I just recently got transferred to a job in nisku where I have to get up at 4:30 am to get to work on time and I finish around 4:30 pm, but I don’t get home until at least 5:30pm.

 It’s a 10 hour shift from 6 to 4:30, But even if I have a crazy schedule where I had many months of zero work, both have something in common. I did not practice kung fu as much. I would say working at least provides a bit of a better excuse, but it does not absolve me of my wrong doing.

 I have to treat kung fu like my eating habits. I have to make better decisions in what I eat and make a healthy life style apart of my life and not just a diet. I have to make kung fu apart of a healthy life style and not just a diet.

   Diet can work, but majority of time it’s a temporary fix and most of the time people who do diets get all their weight back, because they did not learn how to continue to live a healthier lifestyle.

  Food and Kung fu a a very big part of my life and if I treat both well I prosper. If I neglect either one my life for me gets worse. 

 I do feel like week after week I call myself out and expecting different results. I say what are the right ideas then wait till next week to blog about it again. It’s not moving forward, but staying in limbo. 

 I should, I will, I can, I want, I need, but never I did, I accomplished, I’ve done, I’ve completed. I have said the first half enough times to be comparable to tomorrow.

 The only thing I do have going for me is my belief in me. I believe that I will start making the right choice. The right decision, because I have before. 

 I will say right now mentally I am going down. Not fast but slowly. I have recognized my bad habits of demoralizing myself for where I am in life. I get asked multiple times followed by a surprise reaction on their part. They ask me if I have a family, or a wife, or a girlfriend. I say no. Then they found out I’m living in a basement and I’m 36.I guess the only good reaction they give me is they thought I was 25. 

 Those questions and surprised about how I’m 36 and I have none of those things mentioned,  gets to me. I know the relationship thing is more heavily on my decision to be a hermit. I did not even consciously make that decision it was just comfortable to not risk anything. The consequences was being alone and more distant with everyone.

  I honestly say some very dark things about myself more than I should. I’m not ignorant to what good things I have in my life, but I have spent years nurturing my negative side of myself. I slip into it so easy sometimes. I have periods of my life where it’s okay. 

Simple everyday question should not make me mentally fall, but my life choices I have made have consequences and now I am receiving the reward for those choices. It hurts to be getting the results of the choices I made. Dark thoughts are easy, too easy. They require no real effort. 

 This blogs definitely all over the place. I am able to at least say I am trying to be better. Why am I making this harder than it has to be?  I have not giving up and the sure sign of that is I’m still blogging. It’s one of the tethers I keep to keep me from sinking into the dark side of my mind. It’s not perfect but it keeps me engaged.

 The day I stop blogging is the day I give up,  or I’m not in the I Ho Chaun. Blogging has kept me going forwards even if it millimetres at a time.

 I have no new numbers. Thank you for readying this mess of a blog. 

A Leaf To Be Turned

    So I have been reviewing my week and looking at how can I fit fitness and kung fu into it. I looked at how I went from having all the time in the world( I did not take advantage of it when I had it) to not a lot of time do to me finally working again. I much prefer the problem of being to busy than not at all. 

 I have been looking at the days available for fitness and found I have 3 days of the week where I have zero time for fitness. I work, edit my videos, and play board/ card games with family. Then sleep.

  I found I have everyday for kung fu though. Not everyday will be a spectacular one, but I know can take 3 minutes multiple times a day to practice a form or do push ups or sit ups. Practicing kung fu has such malleability. Have I taken all the opportunities to do it definitely not, but I am making myself more aware of the opportunities to practice now that I am busy.

  It’s kinda funny when I had 24 hours a day to practice and never used any most of the time, now that I am busy I am finding more time to practice then when I had all the time to practice.

 So balancing my YouTube channel, work, family , and kung fu seems to gel a little better with me. I’m not at 100%, but I’m going the better route right now. I will have more doubts in the future, and fall off the wagon again, but I am still learning better ways to get back on track.

  Honestly the best one this year for me has never missing a blogpost. I would not say this is a great year for me physically, but it helped me stay engaged in trying to make better choices for myself.

  This is a short a sweet blog today. I will always thank you for your time and consideration for reading my blog. I hope you realize how powerful your ability to read my blog and others truly is. Anyways I got some numbers to post this time.

Acts of kindness: 1800

Km: 1525

Sit ups: 7400

Push ups: 7400

Da mu hsing: 155

Drum stick form: 260

Spar: 108