Discipline

  Hello so I been hearing what has been said and not an epiphany, but bring to the forefront. I am mostly aware of me making my life harder. It’s easy to say the right things and say what I should do, but then I fall flat on the Discipline aspect of it. 

 I can point out all day what I need to do, but for how long will I believe it. I run into do it for a short time, then fall back into poor habits. It is exactly like I have given up before I have truly tried, just because I have failed before.

  It’s like taking a path to success and knowing if I follow it I know where it will lead me and then just saying “ well I will probably fall off again, so why try when I know the outcome”

 Of course if I do nothing the outcome is obvious. Same as if I put in consistent effort the outcome will be obvious.Consistently doing something will eventually produce results and consistently doing nothing will also produce results, but not the ones I want to see.

  I choose lazy because it’s easy. I’m comfortable, but not happy. I choose low effort because it’s easy. I am disciplined in taking the easy way out in my kung fu. I am ironically very disciplined in my work where I strive to be better than I was before.

  If I take that same attitude and put it back into my kung fu it will be awesome. See even in that sentence I put “if” as if it was an anomaly and who could do that other than me. 

 I know I have not lost interest in kung fu, because I still love learning what this martial arts has to teach me and show me what else can I do better in. Becoming a better person and martial artist. I still love kung fu, but my current self seems to be just coasting.

  I would say I know I have not given up yet, because I am trying to change still and trying to not miss blogs. Blogs have been a crucial life line for me. I know for me if I stop blogging I have given up and may as well quit kung fu. Blogging for me is my connection right now to myself and kung fu. 

  I know I never commit saying what I will do, because if I do I already know (I will) have the possibility of not doing of the “I will” So I play it safe by never saying I will. I see the sentence where I do say “I will” for the failure aspect. I guess you could say I have more faith in me failing.

 At the moment the phrase “I will” carries negative connotation for me , because I have said it before and did not follow through with the “I will” So I have lied multiple times which made me stop saying it. I want to say it if I believe I will actually follow through with it and consistently follow the “ I will”

 I feel if I say it in this blog it would be just sparkly words to please the people for now until next time. I can’t say I will, but I can say I am.

 I know I am trying to make efforts into the right direction. It will be difficult, but I need to try. 

 Well I know I said writing it in this blog seems meaningless, but I have so many extremely bad mantras in my head I may as well try anyways to help promote healthier thinking. “I will try harder in my kung fu. I will practice more of my Kung fu. I will attend all my classes for kung fu. I will change my attitude and bring kung fu back into my life. I will be disciplined in my training. I will become more of an outgoing person. I will be better. I will lose my weight. I will find happiness.”

 I’m going to end it there. I am trying to end on a positive note. I don’t have any numbers due to my lower back injury at the moment, but I will be at class this Tuesday. I do have work that day so I might be cutting it close or plenty of time.

 Thank you for reading this blog of mine.