Getting to Know You

So I’d figure I answer some questions most of these answers will be short and to the point or at least I will try. I pretty sure they could be full blogs each one. 

How I would describe myself to someone is a man who is white, overweight, 6 ft tall. Short brown hair and a goatee and moustache combo. Mostly a kind person and will be shy until I become comfortable with you. I like Manga and anime, play a lot of complicated board or card games. Also a journeymen Electrician. That’s a good start

How I would describe myself relationship with myself is toxic. I tend to treat myself horribly and think very little of myself. When I know thats not true. I will have times where I do cherish myself and strive for more, but can easily be derailed by life. I have a hard time on focusing the value I have and keeping it in the forefront. I find it easier to sabotage than to build up. I know I can accomplish being better, sometimes I just have to try harder.

What values are most important to me is communication and loyalty. I’d rather someone tell me what I can do to improve even if it could make me upset or sad than go ignorant to what I could do better. Sometimes arguments could be completely avoided by simply just communicating. When I say loyalty I don’t mean subservient, but in not willing to stab me in the back or lead me astray for their own betterment. Willing to be there in the hard times and celebrate in the good.

 How does the public me vs the private me. I would say private me is more noisy. I like to sing and make noise. I’m not necessarily singing the proper words to songs, but I will sing it. I do like quiet as well. I tend to keep to myself even in public. Public me is definitely more reserved and trying not to make noise or cause trouble for others. Trying to not be noticed. I tend to hold back when I have an opportunity to add to a conversation. I take it sometimes but I have missed way more.

  What’s the reason I get up in the morning is mainly for work. On days I have no work it’s because I have a responsibility to do something. I would say nothing is really driving me at the moment there other than I don’t want to be late.

How do I define happiness. Well I would say having parents and family that care about me, and having friends that want to hang out with me and have fun with me. Having a significant other who value me and cherish me and even starting a family. Also me accepting who I am as a person and be okay with the flaws I have and know I can eventually achieve my dreams with time and effort. ( I’m still really working on this one)

 How do I want to be remembered. I want to be the guy who never gave up. A solution always got to me, sometimes it took awhile, but it eventually happened. Become a person that can inspire others through what I have accomplished.

 The biggest challenge in my life so far is myself. I have had big ones before like my car accident, but even though it took me a whole year to get back on my feet. The biggest challenge has been my own head. I hold myself back, I am the devil on my shoulder speaking with a megaphone. I sabotage myself into failure. I am my own wall. I have been using friends and mentors to help be beat this, but I have come a long way.

Well that’s all the questions for now. Thank you Nigel Bauer for these questions on the gratitude journal beta version. I decided to blog some of it on here. 

 If you read all that then thank you for getting to know me. Each one was short for sure, but maybe later I will flesh some out more.

Sleep and walk

 I have been really tired today. After I got home from work I cleaned up and put a heat pad on my back and fell asleep. Kind of a little inconvenient now that I’m up late at the moment, but it was nice.

 Since my back has been injured I have not been able to do push ups or sit ups. My back is getting better, just taking time. I have tried to go through my forms, but softly.

 It feels like I am waking through my forms. I could not do to much. I don’t go into deep stance or throw proper punches or kicks. I’d figure something is better than nothing. 

 So I am more mentally doing a form than physically. I’m trying to figure out my intent is since I can’t really do the physical all that well at the moment. Though I am limited at the physical I’m also trying to think how my body should connect from one move to the other and how it should finish from one move to the other.

 Even walking through a form I have to take breaks. Lying down seems to be the best position for me. It feels zero pain while lying down.

 Well a short blog for today thank you for reading and investing your time into my blog. I do have a little numbers 

Acts of kindness: 750

Km: 700

Sit ups: 1250

Push ups: 850

Da mu hsing: 75

Drum stick form: 80

Spar: 10

Elliptical(minutes):12960

Social outings:2

Family or Friends contacted:2

Discipline

  Hello so I been hearing what has been said and not an epiphany, but bring to the forefront. I am mostly aware of me making my life harder. It’s easy to say the right things and say what I should do, but then I fall flat on the Discipline aspect of it. 

 I can point out all day what I need to do, but for how long will I believe it. I run into do it for a short time, then fall back into poor habits. It is exactly like I have given up before I have truly tried, just because I have failed before.

  It’s like taking a path to success and knowing if I follow it I know where it will lead me and then just saying “ well I will probably fall off again, so why try when I know the outcome”

 Of course if I do nothing the outcome is obvious. Same as if I put in consistent effort the outcome will be obvious.Consistently doing something will eventually produce results and consistently doing nothing will also produce results, but not the ones I want to see.

  I choose lazy because it’s easy. I’m comfortable, but not happy. I choose low effort because it’s easy. I am disciplined in taking the easy way out in my kung fu. I am ironically very disciplined in my work where I strive to be better than I was before.

  If I take that same attitude and put it back into my kung fu it will be awesome. See even in that sentence I put “if” as if it was an anomaly and who could do that other than me. 

 I know I have not lost interest in kung fu, because I still love learning what this martial arts has to teach me and show me what else can I do better in. Becoming a better person and martial artist. I still love kung fu, but my current self seems to be just coasting.

  I would say I know I have not given up yet, because I am trying to change still and trying to not miss blogs. Blogs have been a crucial life line for me. I know for me if I stop blogging I have given up and may as well quit kung fu. Blogging for me is my connection right now to myself and kung fu. 

  I know I never commit saying what I will do, because if I do I already know (I will) have the possibility of not doing of the “I will” So I play it safe by never saying I will. I see the sentence where I do say “I will” for the failure aspect. I guess you could say I have more faith in me failing.

 At the moment the phrase “I will” carries negative connotation for me , because I have said it before and did not follow through with the “I will” So I have lied multiple times which made me stop saying it. I want to say it if I believe I will actually follow through with it and consistently follow the “ I will”

 I feel if I say it in this blog it would be just sparkly words to please the people for now until next time. I can’t say I will, but I can say I am.

 I know I am trying to make efforts into the right direction. It will be difficult, but I need to try. 

 Well I know I said writing it in this blog seems meaningless, but I have so many extremely bad mantras in my head I may as well try anyways to help promote healthier thinking. “I will try harder in my kung fu. I will practice more of my Kung fu. I will attend all my classes for kung fu. I will change my attitude and bring kung fu back into my life. I will be disciplined in my training. I will become more of an outgoing person. I will be better. I will lose my weight. I will find happiness.”

 I’m going to end it there. I am trying to end on a positive note. I don’t have any numbers due to my lower back injury at the moment, but I will be at class this Tuesday. I do have work that day so I might be cutting it close or plenty of time.

 Thank you for reading this blog of mine.

Oh boy

 So I am unfortunately realizing once again I missed my blog day. I will say what has been happening to me. I have been recently very busy with hurting my lower back. 

  I have been at the moment have only seen the work site paramedic and doctor. So far they say it is most likely a strain muscle and all that can be done is put some heat on it and take it easy. 

  For the first time ever in the trades I have been offered modified duty’s that are easy on my back. Qa/Qc (quality assurance/ quality control). I have done the job here before and it is a very simple job and zero ways to use my back.

   So besides the back I don’t want to continue to miss my blog day. It has great importance in my life now. It has become a direct reflection of how life and my kung fu is doing. The more often I miss the blog the more I pull away. 

  I’m a little paper boat slowing sailing into an open drain. I have done that path before and it does not end well for me.

 So more unfortunately I don’t have any new numbers to add. The lower back problems pretty much started on Monday. So I have done zero kung fu and apparently not very engaged enough to be on time for my blog.

  I know sometime in life things can happen out of your control, but I have done plenty of other things or lack there of in my control.  I have been curious lately about why do we self sabotage sometimes or a lot of the times.

 I know I do it to myself a lot and think back why did I make a choice that would hurt me more on the long run. Bluntly put lazy, procrastination, easy way out. 

 At least that why I think I have self sabotage so much. I know what are my limitations and I keep myself to far in them. It smart to not go so far to break yourself, but not great if zero change happens as well.

 I have been extra jumbled this week because of my, back, but my mind clearly was not on kung fu when there was opportunity to do so.

 Well thank you for your time and hopefully I smarten up.

Life and Value

Ok so two things happening here we will talk about the first one life. Life has been going haywire for me and is getting out of control. I need to become engaged in my life again and become more active and make more of an effort to my commitments. 

  I have been taking a path well traveled to the more worse version of myself. I am needing to do not only kung fu at home, but more importantly go to classes. I don’t want to continuously feeling horrified. I know my route to success begins with kung fu. 

  Not just simply the classes and practices, but the lesson and mastery taught by our school to take and apply it to my life. I know when I do this my life becomes so much better, because I have done it before. This time I have new challenges to deal with, but it’s still doable. 

 I would say at the moment I’m at a certain rock bottom feeling. I know my life could be worse, but I am just barely making a blip in my life and choices I am making. 

 I would like to start by saying  I will be going to my black belt class this Tuesday. I am going to start telling people on my blog that I am going to put more accountability on myself, and make me feel really bad if I decide not to go to class, because lazy.

  So beside feeling I’m in crisis there is good happening. That would be the value part of this blog. It relates to how work is going for me at the moment. It is going well and enjoying more than I thought I would.

   I learned for the first time to value my knowledge and my capabilities to work fast and efficiently and effectively in my electrical trade. I have as some might know always have kept a very low opinion of myself. I tend to think the sludge on the bottom of your shoe has more value than me. 

  I am always so negative when it comes to me, but like I said for the first time I finally see my value. It made me surprised and happy. 

I did a task at my job with another colleague  of mine and both had the same task to accomplish. The only difference was I had one cable that had to be re-pulled, because it was to short. So the task for both of us was to terminate (connect) seven 3 pair cables to the panel and ignore the cable with 19 wires and for me the cable that needed to be re-pulled. 

  I found the job to be easy, because for me it was. I completed the seven 3 pair cables, then the cable with 19 wires. Then finally the re-pulled and  terminate the cable on both sides with some time to spare. So I finished the panel to completion. 

 It was a decent amount of work, but nothing to challenging in my opinion. I have done this type of work before and there was more to the job then just terminating, but I have already explained maybe to much that is needed, for what I learned.

 At the end of the day my colleague was still  preparing the 7 cables to be terminated at the end of the day. The lead hand told me that he did not expect me to be so fast, or that I would complete the panel today. 

 My colleague is a good person and has their own learning curve that they are doing. I just finally valued my skill as an electrician. I finally for the first time found value in me when it comes to being an electrician.

 I never thought I was any good or not great by any means, but I have come a long way since I started the trade. I still have lots to learn, but I am good at it as well.

 So really long blog today, but I need to wake up and change my life. I will continue getting worse if I do nothing or start appreciating myself more. Life can be hard or hard with accomplishment. I want accomplishment. 

 This is not the first blog I have done the whole ra ra ra let’s go, so this blog sort of falls flat on me for the moment. Until I actually do the ra ra stuff this is simply a blog to please the people and hide  behind a mask until it falls off again. 

 So I have a lot of mixed feelings right now. I want to succeed, but let’s see what the next few blogs say and see if I followed through or just another empty ra ra blog.

  Thank you for reading a long one today here are some numbers:

Acts of kindness: 700

Km: 700

Sit ups: 1250

Push ups: 850

Da mu hsing: 71

Drum stick form: 75

Spar: 10

Elliptical(minutes):12900

Social outings:2

Family or Friends contacted:2

Blogs:18

  

Time

 I am really sorry I have let time get away from me. I have been so busy with work I have let time slip by and missed my blog day and informing those of my whereabouts when needed. 

  I have not even been looking at what day it is. It has all been numbers. I work, I sleep, I get some kung fu I and then I eat and then repeat. 

 I have not been engaged enough to be making better decisions. 

  Honestly all my days seem to have been like a merge. Like there is no difference between what day it is. The only thing I have been focusing on is the sun up ok work or day off. Is the sun down ok sleep time( well try to).

 I did not realize that we were very much so passed Sunday until now. I have a lot to reflect on to make myself better and try to not make the same mistakes again. 

Thanks you for reading my blog and sorry again for messing up.

  So not great numbers this time either but here they are.

Acts of kindness: 680

Km: 680

Sit ups: 1200

Push ups: 820

Da mu hsing: 70

Drum stick form: 74

Spar: 10

Elliptical(minutes):12900

Social outings:2

Family or Friends contacted:1

Sick

 I have been kinda sick this week. I did not start the week as such, but I had to call into work sick. Luckily it was on my 3 days off so I was off for 4 days. 

So honestly I spend multiple days just sleeping. I was so tired. It was like my body was trying to catch up on all the sleep I have been missing. 

  I was starting to feel better coming close to the parade day, but unfortunately I got worse on the day of. I was looking forward to being in the parade and to do some drumming. So I slept a lot that day as well. 

 I am on the way to climbing back to better health again. I finally do feel more rested now. It’s kinda inevitable, almost sleeping almost all four days.

  I am not 100 percent but I’m feel like 70 to 80 right now.

  So I do have some numbers but back to the numbers I was doing before which was not a lot.

Acts of kindness: 650

Km: 660

Sit ups: 1040

Push ups: 800

Da mu hsing: 68

Drum stick form: 71

Spar: 10

Elliptical(minutes):12900

Social outings:2

Family or Friends contacted:1