I am really struggling right now. I don't know how else to put it other that I am really struggling. I live in my world where I want change, but I do nothing. My LifeRPG was really good, but I was not I failed completing some task I set for myself, but I did complete some. I studied some Japanese and did some running for 2 days, did my push ups and sit ups for 2 days, but failed to go to kung fu. I tried to set my goals and task to not be to harsh to handle, but I fall back into default mode. I have 30 mins of running Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I study Japanese for 30 mins on the same days and I was doing 50 counter push ups and 150 sit ups.
I live my life in a space that is comfy, but has no potential for change or growth. If anything right now I barely felt like writing this blog, but I am writing this blog right now because I feel like this is my last saving hope. It is my doorway to being apart of some change I could become. I feel as though I am giving up on my own life. I don't care what happens to me, I feel as though I am slowly fading away. I try to bring myself out of this state, but it is so tempting to me to stay in that life, because it requires minimal effort to live.
I really do contemplate the value of my life all the time and how poorly I treat myself and why do I keep trying when I keep giving up. It's so frustrating. I want to be apart of change, I want to become change, I want to start change, but no will to do it. I stick to my little comfy space and I end up accomplishing a whole lot of nothing. The hole I dig myself keeps getting deeper and deeper, and it is getting harder and harder to climb back out. I am sorry, I seem to do a lot of complaining on here.
Well I guess that is all I will write for now, I guess I am gonna try again this week, but I don't know if I can do it.Hopefully the next one I write is better.
Sifu R. Langner
Hey...I am almost 50 and still have these conversations with myself, difference is you have the guts to post it out loud. For me , sometimes I just have to kick my own ass and not wait for anyone to help me out. One of my methods, is to go run through the woods to clear my head. I go to Chickakoo and run, even though I suck at running, it helps.
ReplyDeleteIm going there tomorrow evening if you want to join me :)
thanks for the offer but i will be covering tomorrow for khona but maybe another time. i would like that.
DeleteFirst off, you still wrote the post. You are remaining engaged even if you are not motivated. Second, what are you giving up on? Everything I have seen you try the entire time I've known you, you haven't given up on. Your electrical career, your trip to Japan, striving to get your second degree. You are clearly not a quitter. Look on the bright side, my friend. If you need to talk, give me a shout, feel free any time.
ReplyDelete