Endless Cycle

  I feel like I am constantly just barely making the right or wrong decisions in my life. Making a choice to continue to rent out a place on my own or moving back home. I am currently in a position where I have zero income, and choosing to live outside of my parents home. I am not hurting for money by any means it just feels like I make some head way to earn money to one day have my own home and then I fall back a little from not working. 

I have loving parents that have already offered me to live the rest of my life with them, but it is not an environment that is mentally good for me. It’s not because my parents are horrible it’s because my mental aspect as an adult becomes stifled. I give into mediocrity and stop trying to do anything for myself. I start feeling like I’m a teenager, but I’m 36. 

 I see where I am in life and always feel as though I am behind. The experience of living on my own was introduced to me late in life. I just never had a good reason to leave, because my parents really love and care for me. I don’t want to blame them for me getting a late start in life, because it is not their fault, but my own. Sure they can take some blame but not a lot. Majority to almost all I would say is on me. They support me to stay and support me to go. I chose to stay, because I thought I could save money faster. Which I did, but the cost was my mental. 

I find when I live on my own I become more responsible to myself. I have to, if I do nothing I get nothing. I found when I was on my own I was more motivated to be healthier and more productive in my life. I found I was trying to make better decisions in what I do. I found walking in grocery stores that I have no desire to go to any spot in the store to buy the unhealthy items. I find myself wanting to be better. I was turning into a functioning adult.

A new comfort I found was being anti social and just secluding myself at my place. Another form of mediocrity. I had these habits at home too, but now just more isolated. Honestly I always choose to stay in my place then go out, because it is comfortable. I love being home and not interacting with the world. I would say in my case this is not a good thing. I do think you should feel happy where you live, but you need to pursue events that could change your life for the betterment of one’s self. I don’t really pursue anything.

I am making small adjustments in my life to bring more people into it. My first step was Kung Fu. It is the foundation for me to become the best version of myself. I am trying to become confident in myself again. 

Thanks for reading my blabul here some numbers:

Acts of kindness: 80

Km: 91

Sit ups: 1100

Push ups: 1100

Da mu hsing: 22

Drum stick form: 27

Spar: 15