Changes

Hello so I notice in my family a lot of changes since I moved out. The most obvious change for me was how I started to take care of myself, and eating healthier, and not worrying about what my parents might be going through. I have also seen my parents change and react in complete opposite ways in how I thought they would act. They seem to be talking to each other more, and they are even eating healthier.
   It seems me moving out was the best decision for all of us. I am on a new path of improvement. It's seems to be a short blog today, but that might be because I am out of practice. I will be making more for sure to come, and gain back some of my blogging ability. 




Sifu R. Langner

Taking Action

Hello it's been awhile. I decided to take my own advice and take action and blog. Since I have been slowly improving my life. Eating healthier, working out more, and trying to do more kung fu; so I thought I may as well bring back blogging into my life. I know blogging has got me through a lot of tough times and let me reflect on the positives in my life. SO since it had been awhile here are somethings that I would like to say but have not since I was not blogging.

I got to do my first live drumming lion dance. I was super nervous yet excited at the same time. It was so much fun. I realized later that I had position the drum right behind the lion so it was really hard to see when he was doing the blinking, but I think it was not so bad. That was a really great day.

I have been on this new eating plan that my landlord put me on. A lot of the things he talks about correlates to what kung fu teaches and is about. He pretty much said the success is depends on you, you have to be the one responsible to eat healthy and sticking to it. Just like in kung fu they can show you a form, and even improve upon it, but they can't force you to train and practice on your own. You have to be disciplined. If you work hard there will be results.

I have been enjoying living on my own lately and I have been cooking a lot for myself and enjoying the outcome when one of the dishes I make turns out well. Like today I experimented with making a cauliflower pizza crust today. It turned out pretty tasty it was a bit of work, but worth it. super tasty. The recipe told me it was good for six, but it is good for six gerbils maybe. I'm going to double the recipe next time.

 

Well that's all that I can think of right now so see you all next time.

Sifu R. Langner

Do you see me?

To be noticed you must be in life.
To be unnoticed you must hide.
To be noticed you must be engaged.
To be unnoticed you must distance.
To be noticed you must be strong.
To be unnoticed you must be weak.
To be noticed you must strive.
To be unnoticed you must give up.
To be noticed you must be unusual
To be unnoticed you must be usual.
To be noticed you must perform.
To be unnoticed you must be still.
To be noticed you must risk.
To be unnoticed you must be safe.
To be noticed you must love.
To be unnoticed you must hate.
To be noticed you must be brave.
To be unnoticed you must be shy.
To be unhappy you must pretend.
To be happy you must be you.




Sifu R. Langner

Last Night

Hey everyone.  There has been a lot happen in my life lately. Right now I'm writing my last blog and having my last night living with my parents. I have found a new place for myself to live in and I will finally be on my own. I should be feeling excited, but I couldn't be feeling further away from it. I feel scared, sad, worried, and I'm gonna miss living with my parents a lot. I'm mainly sad right now. I know moving out for me will have a lot of benefits and it is something that I know I need, but there is a part of me that wants to just call it off. I'm not, because it would cost me a lot of money to do so. I mainly sad about leaving my parents and just being by myself. I can take care of myself, I'm  just worried mentally how I will deal with it and also I don't want to fail. It seems like I am moving so far away to the point that I will never see them again, but in reality I'm gonna be a simple 10 min drive from them. I know I will still see them on Fridays at least, or whenever I want, but I'm just feel hesitant.
  Right now I am starting a new journey into my life and I'm freaked out. It is a necessary journey though and I know I will grow from it. Just need a bit of time.


Sifu R. Langner  

I'M BACK!

Hello long time no see. So today for me was a pretty great day. I got to see and participate in the rotary run lion dance; which was amazing. Also I got to experience my first ever hunting for a place for myself today, and oh boy what a rush it was for me. I swear it was like I just jumped out of a plane. Just talking to this person and finally seriously I might be able to live on my own for once. I love my parents for everything they have done for me, and appreciate them for the best life they could give me. I know I will definitely miss having amazing tasty food to eat all the time. I just know right now that I need to be on my own and start developing my own life right now. I feel like I have been stalling for so long now because I always thought I would save up enough money to put a nice down payment onto a house someday, but life keeps happening and I am tired of waiting for life to work out. I am going to make it work for me. .
  Thats all for now I am super tired and have to go to bed. Hopefully to see you all next week.


Sifu R. Langner

Fights

So this blog will just be about my experience in fights and what I think in my opinion is best for if you have no other choice but to fight. Now I know in kung fu we do teach some nasty ways to take your opponent down, and other times to incapacitate them, but fights are never so logical. Mainly because of a few reasons. For one what if you panic and forget what to do, what if your opponent is a really good fighter, or what are you fighting for? Your life? your Family? or just a scuffle?
  I have been in a lot of fights growing up; not because I wanted to, but I had no other choice. In my case I was just fighting bullies; so nothing life threatening. Once I had to start fighting; my adrenaline spiked really high and the whole fight became like slow motion for me. I was actually calm and went into the mind set of "they might be stronger then me, a better fighter then me, but I can guarantee you I am gonna win" Right off the hop I already through out the window of what most people make a mistake in and that is underestimating your opponent. If you do that your morale will go down if you find out they are stronger or better. All that matters is that you come out on top.
    Now another thing I did was not hold back in a fight. That to me was another mistake a lot of people make when in a fight. You hold back your power, because you think you have delivered enough damage, but then they get back up seemingly unscathed and then your morale will go down and you might have already of lost the will to fight and then you lose. Never hold back I know this might be more situational, but I believe this to be the better of the two(holding back vs not holding back)
   The last thing I did was I also had the mind set of not wanting to hurt my opponent. This sounds contradictory to everything I have said. Even knowing these people who made my life hell for years. I still did not want to hurt them, nor did I want to fight them. My goal and intent was to win as fast as possible and report to the right people to stop this madness and to cause minimal damage. I never punch anyone in the face, though many have tried on me. I Mainly hit them in the stomach whether they were standing or after I through them on the ground. After a few good kicks or punches to the stomach without holding back made them stay down and afforded me time to escape the fight. All my fights probably lasted no more than 30 to 45 seconds, but felt a lot longer than that. I never lost a fight, but I wish I never had to win one. There is a limit to how much damage you deal out, but that also depends on the thereat level. We have to use our best judgement on how to deal with an opponent. In my case these were just bullies. I can't help but to all ways think of what the other person might be going through.
  I hope my insight to fighting might help someone if they ever have to fight, but honestly I hope no one ever has to. I hope that none of us is ever put into a situation where they might have to fight for their lives, or family's. I know I have the resolve to take a fight to the next level dependent on the situation, but as a last resort, no other option, it is me or them. I choose me.
  You know being a fighter or a warrior sounds so simple. There are a few rules to follow and done, but to live and great and happy life is much harder to do. I believe our school helps you to be able to defend yourself, but most importantly helps us to understand the best way to live.


Sifu R. Langner
   

Family talks

Hello so my family went through a bit of a rough patch this Saturday. Some things were said and some things were put into motion to heal. I am sorry for the not being specific, but this is not just my problem. I know I am talking about it sort of on here, but I just need to release a little but. So I blog. I can say right now that we are all doing good right now and we are slowly moving forwards onto the next step. I will say my Saturday was a long one, but we are a closer family because of it.
  Well that's all I really can write about that. I'm sorry for missing the demo, I thought it was next week; I should of double checked. For the meeting well that was the whole family thing; so sorry for missing that as well, but we had to figure things out and could not just up and leave. I hope the demo was amazing and everyone had a great time.
   You know I did get to learn a lot this weekend. I learned what my parents go through and what I am capable of accomplishing through calm speech and logical thinking. I think the whole remain calm when there is panic has a lot of merit to it. Now maybe some say well yeah of course remain calm, easy answer, but how many have to put it into practice. Instead of stressing over a job remain calm and figure out if you can do better, or do you need to move on, or come up with a way to cope with it better. It is really hard to figure stuff out when you are stressed. Again sounds like common sense, but how many people put it to practice.
  Kung fu teaches us about having the ability to stay calm and to have patience, because through hard work and progressing wisely we will get to our goals eventually. We all have the potential to become what ever we want and do great and immeasurable things. From becoming a kung fu master, or just being a good person, or being a great doctor, or being the best parent. These to me are just some things we all have the potential to become and all of these things are amazing achievements. I believe I have the potential one day to become the best electrician out there. I wish I could say parent too, but kinda need to start with a girlfriend first. I want to be a really good martial artist.
  So that's the rant for now have a good one.


Sifu R. Langner

Cracks

    So I had an amazing day once again this Saturday. Our parade went amazing and oh boy did I get some drumming practice in. I really enjoyed seeing all the floats and the competition. There was this one float that had a similar theme to our float. I had to go check this float out. So me and kevin walk over and checked out "the competition" I will admit they looked pretty cool, but what I loved about checking them out was just before I went to check them out I had asked Jeff if he ever been challenged for his school.   Now I have seen a few movies, and tv shows where some random person challenges the head master of the school and if they beat them they get to take there school. He told me back in the day there would be some groups of other schools waiting just outside the front doors so you had to sneak in and out in the back. I don't think he meant our school I am thinking it was even before that, but I could be wrong.
   Anyways back on topic so after me and Kevin check out this group that is doing a Mulan theme float and they all look like martial artists. I turn around and see a group of martial artist(I Ho Chuan) approaching "the competition" I thought to myself "it's happening, it's on" Now I know nothing happened and we were all curious, but the whole setup for me was perfect.
   Okay now to get to the reason why I named this one cracks. It is because of my drumsticks. Playing so much that day had cause my drumsticks to crack and start to splinter. Now this might sound bad and it is not like I want it to break. I would love if it was strong the whole time and never cracked or showed wear and tear, but then you would not be able to see the progress you have been making. If you ever used something over and over again and it keeps wearing down to the point of not working properly anymore. To me all these cracks, rips, tears are all signs of a person training hard in doing something they love. I have torn many uniforms at kung fu, just because they have been used and abused for so long that the fabric could no longer take it. There is a few different way to look at things being worn down, but right now this is how I am looking at it. All my practice on the drum, in, my car, on our chairs at home, on my chest are finally showing some progress. I am one step closer to becoming a better drummer, or I hit to hard, BUT for now assume the first. I look forward to becoming better and learning more about drumming. I will conquer you someday thunder drumming.
  After the parade I had a bbq with dan and mel, then we went to go see DP 2 (Deadpool 2) It was super fun and DP 2 was just as good as the first one. I know I sort of took a sharp turn at the end of the blog, but I had to mention that because I just had a blast, and DP 2 was awesome.



Sifu R. Langner

Learning

Hello. So this pandamodium was a great success; of making people more aware of our five charity's. This was our first year without doing 24 hours of kung fu, but this also might be the first time it really felt all about the charity's. They were the star and shined like one. Not saying every other year was not about them, just this year seemed more focused.
  I enjoyed teaching other about whats so cool about northern lights wolf center. I loved the idea of people getting to know more about the charity's. Then you ask then what they think, and if they did not say a lot, I really enjoyed letting them know more. Also got to enjoy talking and setting up the day with my fellow I ho chaun members and kung fu class mates.
  I really enjoyed my first ever lion dance drumming. I learned a lot about my self and those around me. I learned I get really tense when I am nervous and makes drumming a lot harder, but still fun. I also learned that a few people are going through the stage fright I used to when ever we performed a demo. I was so bad that I would black out during my performance and not even remember what I just did. I don't fear demos like I used to. I would not say I'm not nervous about doing a good job, but I can handle it a lot better and I know I can do any demo we do now with no fear.
  I am no longer Randy Langner the shy, fearful, self-loathing, feel really sick at any social event(still kinda if it is really social stuff, but way better now). I'm Randy Langner the wears costumes, plays drums,want to help out, not fearful, some what confident( still working on this one:)     ) self believing, wants to make myself and those around me better then they already are, person.
 I May not be in the best of shape now but I know I will accomplish this goal of mine to become fit again. It will take time, but not impossible. I have lost weight once before I can do it again.
  I also learned to appreciate the smallest of gestures, like having getting "1000" high fives, or simply getting someone water, or showing of a smile to brighten ones day. It was truly a great day. Hope everyone ahas a great day.



Sifu R. Langner

 

Remember Myself

Hello everyone I am currently on the up and up path. I hope to stay in that way forever. I had a good talk about letting the wrong guy making the decisions. I once made a lot of good decisions and committed to those decisions. I was reminded that I can choose which guy drives my life. I am the master of my life and currently on a path of trying to appreciate, and except myself for who I really am.
 I forgot that I was a guy who told others what he had planned to do then followed through with those plans. I forgot I was a guy who wanted to take the ordinary and make it extraordinary. I forgot I do have time for kung fu in my life. I say was but I am that guy and hope to stay as that guy.
 I consider myself really lucky, because most people like me when they get depressed don't have an arsenal  of tools and opportunity to get themselves out of that situation. I have Family, Friends, and the 2nd family at kung fu, and myself. I have all of these things to help me become the best person I can become. I also hope to return the favor someday.
  Well that it for now hope to see you all next time.



Sifu R. Langner

Shame

Hey.        I am becoming something that I am not; nor want to be. Every time I get the opportunity to go to kung fu I avoid it. Every time I try to make my life better I avoid it. On days I can go to kung fu I start to feel lethargic, and nervousness, and fear. Nervous that I have become worse and don't want to show anyone. Fearful of the friends I have disappointed in me not going. Fear in myself for not trying harder. I guess you could replace the word fear with guilt. Also I don't like making these sad or depressing blogs, but I guess you could say it is easier for me to tell you through blog rather in person. Then I feel nervous once again after I make a blog like this. Thinking to myself that oh there goes Randy again being sad and depressed again.
  I used to be a really good team member in the I Ho Chuan. I tried really hard to change my life and become a better person. Now I just feel like a charity case and slowly going back to who I used to be before I joined the I Ho Chuan team. Always whining  and never changing my ways and instead of inspiring other I could be possibly holding others back. I am not gonna lie I am pretty sad every day. It's hard to even try in my school for 3rd year right now.
   I don't want pity, but I feel like thats all I ever ask for. I do know a lot of what I said is bull and I know a lot of it is just in my head. Anyways I just don't know what to do. I do but I don't.


Sifu R. Langner

Do. Or do not. There is no try.

Hello everyone well you might have guest at what this blog might be about already. I know whenever I hear this quote from yoda I always thought how is there no try? I thought don't we always say we try new things, or try to make our lives better, or try to make the community  you live in better, we try our hardest, we will try harder next time.
   Then I realized what the word try might come across as. When you say you will try something there is instantly an excuse we can put there for when we did not try something. You either did try it out or you did not. Emphases Do. Or do not. Now I have never looked so deeply into a star wars quote before, but I started to think of this quote after our  Saturday meeting.
  Now it turns out we can try out millions of different ideas and experiences, but only do some that we follow through with. I am trying to lose weight but have I lost any weight yet, no I have not, so currently I am in the do not stage right now. If I want to lose weight I just can't say I am trying to lose weight I have to actively do lose weight. I have to get the mind set, the diet, and exercise if I want any chance at losing weight.
  Now all I need to do is move myself over from the do not list. Which in all honesty scares me a little. I want to, I will lose weight.
    This next bit here I am about to write is just for me. so you don't need to read it, since it might sound repetitive and just literary me talking to myself.

I will lose wight, I will eat healthier by buying my own grocery's and making healthy meals. I will go to kung fu on Wednesday, Thursday, and Saturday. I will do my push ups and sit ups everyday, I will go to the gym on Fridays. I will lose weight because I don't like being big anymore. I will get to wear more different types of clothes. I will build my confidence in myself. I will be happy. I will become a do and no longer be a do not, or try. I will stop being so lazy and stop procrastinating. (I am legit happy that I knew how to spell the word procrastinating, without spellcheck. did not know I knew how.  if anyone read this) I will become a better person and a better friend. I will record my numbers and acts of kindness.


Sifu R. Langner

Big and Small

Hey so I was thinking about how to change in my life and kung fu. Normally I want to accomplish grand goals but sometimes I forget what need to be done to achieve these grand goals in life. Those are the little everyday goals; that can end up one day accomplishing something amazing.
  Like for example losing weight. When I was 310 lbs I wanted to lose a bunch a weight and become healthier.  I ended up losing over 130 lbs within in 6 months and at one time weighed180 lbs. I achieved a grand goal, but did not recognize all the small little accomplishments I was making along the way . I did not recognize the little bit of weight I lost daily, the healthier eating I was doing, nor the more active person I became. I just knew I lost a bunch of weight and that was that.
   I no longer weigh that obviously, but I have been making a steady climb back to 310 lbs. I am sad to say I am closer to being 310 lbs then to the 180 I once achieved. I know in my mind what need to be done but always lack the follow through. I now appreciate those little achievements I was able to pull off back then, because it meant I was sticking to something to become a healthier human being.
  I know my last blog talked about being more positive with my word, but I still fear jumping into it we both feet, because I know what I am like. I can write down here.
     " I am going to start eating healthier by going to the grocery store and buying my own food, and I won't eat what my parents cook for me anymore. I will eat more greens and fruits, and less meat, and carbs. I will be more active by going to kung fu Wednesday, Thursday, and Saturday. I will start working out more, by going to the gym and developing a routine of sorts that is maintainable for me. I will watch less t.v.  I will like myself."
   For me I can say these things, but by tomorrow I will not try any of it, nor will I feel good about making that decision. If I tell family and friends some will ask me so how is it coming along, or a general question about how I am doing with what I am trying to accomplish. I will say I have not started it yet, or I will start eventually. Then everyone forgets that I even said I would try this. Then I will write another blog about how I will need to change my lifestyle, and become more healthier. Rinse Repeat.
   I am in  a vicious cycle of getting nothing done. I really do want to say I will and I can, but it is hard for me to do so when your only accountability is myself and myself does not care. I think until I can get myself to care I am stuck in a cycle.
  Well this blog got out of hand. I just wanted to talk about appreciating all the small goals that you make when trying to achieve a big goal. Anyways I am a work in progress and I truly hope to make more improvements in my life.

Sifu R. Langner
 

What's Next?

Hello everyone I was thinking to myself what I need to do to change my attitude towards kung fu and my life. I figure I should start with the words I say. I would say even this week I ended up saying negative stuff about myself in life and my kung fu. I seem to not accept anything good about myself, and when practicing to become better I tell myself how horrible I am, and I will never get better no matter how long, or hard I try.
   I need to try and catch myself when I do this and start to re-phrase what I say. For example I said "apparently my drumming is really bad and not up to snuff." Now no one told me this, but this is what I had thought. What I should of said is "I feel like I still have a lot to learn and can't wait to learn more." Just by changing the way I said "I still need a lot of practice" brought into the equation two completely trains of thought. I changed it from not feeling of any improvement has been made and I will never make it; to a student who realizing they learned a lot and is looking forward to what they can accomplish if they keep going.
The Power of words have a power of putting you in the improper mind set of a challenge all because the speaker chose some bad words to say over a more optimistic way of looking at things.
What this new ,I guess sorta game, I do is whenever things are going bad for me or others around me. I start telling a story on how well can I turn what is going on to them seem better. Basically  create the silver lining; then focus on that.
   Words are not just words . They can become your worst nightmare or be your best friend.I am current trying to become more involved in my life, by listen to the negative words I say to myself and try to rephrase what I say to become more positive look on my out life and kung fu. 

Well I would like to start leaving my little quote's on here again so I'm gonna.
we are all ordinary people, but we all have the possibly of doing extraordinary action.





Sifu R. Langner

Old Friend

Hello everyone I know it has been awhile since I last posted a blog. I guess you could say I am a bit scared right now to jump with both feet in. This has do you with my kung fu and my life. I know right now I need to make a change in my diet, training, and my overall approach to my life. I fear and worry of losing time on other things I like to do, but accomplish nothing, but makes me feel relaxed. I get home form work and sit and rest until the next day all the while I eat unhealthy.
   I know how and what I need to do to lose the weight, but this time feels different. I had an iron will and determination that would not faultier in the goal of losing weight and becoming healthier. This time I waiver and doubt that I will go through with the changes permanently. I feel like I will try for a week then give up like I have done so many times in the past. Except for the one time when I did not.
  I am not sure where or how I got the iron will before; all I know is that it developed when I found out I was 310 lbs. When I first found out that info I was shocked that I had become over 300 lbs. I could not accept this, so I changed my life around lost my weight and re-joined kung fu again and got my black belt. Now I look and the scale and I do not like what I see, but my iron will is not reborn.
 
  I guess now that I re read this blog I get the sense of engagement of my life has changed drastically. When I lost my weight I was very engaged and the tools of kung fu and I Ho Chuan helped me stay engaged. Then when I stopped using the tools provided for me I became less engaged in my own life. Now that I have not been doing so many of the requirements it all makes sense to me now why I have started on this path, I have unfortunately started.
  Every requirement that the I Ho Chuan ask of all of us is not impossible. Every requirement on there accomplish something different, but they also all accomplish one goal as well. That is becoming more aware and engaged in your surroundings and your own well being. I have been struggling and wondering how I was gonna change my life back to where I was more engaged for the longest time and I just realized now that it has been in front of my face this whole entire time. I Ho Chuan requirements if I do them I will see results I will like, if I don't do them I will be in the current state I am currently in. I plan to try harder in the rest of my I ho chuan year, and the next one after that as well.
  You know there is a reason why I chose the title old friend. Blogging has sometime helped me think clearer or find an answer I have been struggling for the longest time. Then I write a blog, and the blog listens, I work through what is going in my head and the blog listens, I re-read my blog and the blog gives helpful advice. Now to me that sounds like a good friend to have, and when you neglect a good friend like that, things tend not to go as well. So I will end this for now and say thank you old friend.



Sifu R. Langner