Routine

 I’m currently trying to establish a new routine in my life. I noticed when I have one my life becomes better; Mentally and physically. Normally once a speed bump enters though I throw away the routine completely and then my life gets worse again.

  I should be adopting and adapting my routine to when the speed bumps inevitably happen. I will not always be able to achieve said task at exactly 3 pm every day; without fail. I will have multiples times where I will fail said task and for me eventually dropping the task completely.

 So I achieve a little bit of success and as soon as it becomes slightly chaotic I give up. The routine I am currently trying to fit in my life is work and YouTube. I am trying to organize my time to play video game, then edit the video, and finally upload it. 

  If anything since work has started for me I have. Become very busy, but I am still not using my time to the best for me mentally and physically. I am enjoying the fact I have been able to continue uploading videos for my YouTube, but I am not making the best choices for kung fu. 

   I am being lazy. I get back from work, and I take a shower and then rest for 2 or 3 hours when I could be working on editing my videos or going to kung fu or practicing kung fu. Honestly that is all possible if I simply take a half hour to myself when I get back from work. Then start accomplishing my other goals in life.

  I wish I did not put kung fu on the back burner sometimes. I put martial arts to low of a priority, because it involves being physically active and that’s a poor lazy excuse. When I have kung fu in my life my life becomes way better. So why do I put it on low priority?

 I think the simple answer is lazy. I have to try and implement kung fu apart of my routine again and adjust my routine when the speed bump happens. The speed bump will happen, it’s just a matter of when; tomorrow, today, next year. I will never be fully prepared, but starting to practice actively to adjusting my routine is at least a start.

 I got to play some board games this week and it was really fun. I hope I get to continue to do so. It was a nice change of pace. It reminded me of when I first became friends with Dan and Mel. We started to play cribbage together and eventually it grew from there and we became life long friends now. 

 The possibilities are endless when I apply myself in life. Thank you

Thank you for reading my blog.Unfortunately I have no numbers to add this week.

Work

 I am happy I am finally working again. It may be for a month or two, or maybe even a transfer. Me not working does not do the best for me mentally and physically. I may not mind for a bit if I have EI, but when it runs out I just get to see all the money I have been trying to save just simply disappear. If long enough time went by I could have been starting over again with saving money, but I had maybe a year of funds before it went to zero.

 I do count my lucky stars that I was at least in a position where I could survive a year with no income, but it still plays with me mentally. 

  Now that I have work again I have to be active in preventing as for “me going to work” as an excuse to pull away from kung fu. I am very good and finding good legit reasons to not to kung fu, but sometimes in excess. It’s like I actively look for a good excuse that no one can argue, rather than looking for an excuse to practice kung fu. 

  I should be looking for more legit good excuses of why I can practice kung fu. I always bring the mentality of kung fu to work, because I strive for being the best at work, and try and make complete strangers like me. So they might want to keep me or even transfer me to another job. 

 I should keep that mentality for kung fu. The only difference is that I know I’m in a place where people already care about me and are positive to my journey. 

  There are infinite amount of excuses for not excelling in life, but there is just as many for excelling in life. I just have to be more proactive about looking for the more positive ones and keep them in my mind for when I will always visit the dark road.

  I know I will have a down time again and even now I am on the up rise for better mentally, but I will be back. I just have to prepare so I can leave the dark path quicker. It would be most ideal if I never went to the dark path ever again, but that’s not realistic for me. 90% of my life I have thought very negatively. I have gone down the spiral of never ending despair. It sucks.

 I can get out though. I have learned and grown. I can only learn from my past and prepare for the future and try living in the present. I am still pretty anti social right now, but I am hoping to change that. I am hoping that I build the courage to be in the public eye. I Have to take the opportunities to be social and make opportunities to be social.

  I have done a little kung fu this week. So numbers are small improvement, but it’s not zero, but I can do better.

Acts of kindness: 1710

Km: 1500

Sit ups: 7330

Push ups: 7330

Da mu hsing: 151

Drum stick form: 251

Spar: 108

Moving Forwards

  I have been thinking about why is progress never a straight line. Why must there be speed bump, pot holes, twist and turns, and even getting lost or making a wrong turn. Why must I struggle to become better or accomplish anything?

 I think the answer for me is all of it is necessary. It’s the highs the lows and the good times and the hard times. It all gets jumbled together and can become progress. I think it only becomes progress if I don’t give up. If I continue to push forward or write another blog. I keep moving forwards.

 I will trip and fall many times, but keeping myself in an environment of extraordinary individuals. I can become better. I might not always be doing well, but I will be moving forward even if it’s only a centimetre.

  I will write more blogs in the future where I might not be doing well mentally or physically, but I will be moving forwards. 

  I want to change my life for the better and it all starts with me. I can stop blogging and quit Kung fu and I already know for me I would be heading to the darkest timeline for me. So that’s not an option.

  I will be again someday in the better head space and maybe even healthier, but I have to start moving forwards and accept my faults and do better. I cannot change the past, but I can start living in the present and strive for a better future.

  I have a YouTube channel I am enjoying making and I have parents that are willing to go to the ends of the earth for me and I have friends who are willing to reach out to me when I am struggling. Now it’s time for me to wake up and take all these beautiful things I do have in my life and start doing something. 

  I need to keep all of that in the fore front of my mind and stop feeding my negative instincts and start developing more often my positive instincts.

 It’s time to move forwards 

I have done some kung fu this week. It was not a lot, but I am doing something which is still progress. I will be better, but I will strive to always try to increase my numbers. Anyways here are some numbers:

Acts of kindness: 1700

Km: 1450

Sit ups: 7300

Push ups: 7300

Da mu hsing: 150

Drum stick form: 250

Spar: 108

The Power of Blog

 Blogging has been a huge tool in my life that I have used to better myself multiple times in my life. I have seen in my past the hardest times in I Ho Chuan for me was when I did not blog.  When life got hard or I got busy, I dropped blogging and those were very harsh years for me.

  I have 2 years in memory where I blogged every week and did better with it. This year is one of them. I am still struggling this year with I Ho Chuan, but the blogging has helped me keep what is happening to me in the for front. Blogging has helped me not fall off the wagon completely. It has helped me stay engaged in life.

 I have many blogs where I like what I wrote and blogs that I did not like, or even hated, but I don’t regret making them. I show everyone who I am and what I am going through, while using the blog selfishly for myself to help me. If others find what I write helpful then that is a great bonus for me. 

 I have made blogs in the past as a purely wanting to help others, but it did the opposite for me. I would not keep myself accountable for what I said. I still believe in what I say positively in my blogs, but I have also taking more accountability for what positive point I make, by making sure I am at least doing them myself.

  I would have never thought in a million years that blogging has the power to change your own life or those around you, but it does. I have never seen someone do worse in the I Ho Chuan because they blogged for the whole year. I have always seen people including myself come out better afterwards. 

Blogging is the best time to vent and update and inform everyone and yourself where you are at; Physically and mentally.

  There will be sad blogs and depressing blogs, and happy and inspirational blogs. The only blogs that are no good are the blogs you never wrote. I have certainly done my fair share of doing that. 

  This year committing to doing these blogs has helped me immensely. I will always have more ups and downs in life, but I will always have a blog to make. The power of a blog is truly monumental.

 Anyways that all I have for today thank you all for reading this blog and reading my journey for this year. I do have some numbers to post.

Acts of kindness: 1600

Km: 1400

Sit ups: 7250

Push ups: 7250

Da mu hsing: 145

Drum stick form: 220

Spar: 108

How Do I Want to Be Remembered?

 I have thought about this sometime in life and never really put much thought into it. I tend to never brag or tell people I meet or even at work who I am. I have worked well over 2 years at a job and no one there knew I even practiced kung fu.

I have joked with friends at being the best at something, but never actually thinking I’m the best. That is probably a separate issue of mine where I usually don’t give myself any credit for things I have accomplished.

  I have done kind acts in secret a lot, because in my mind the goal was achieving the kind act and I’m self satisfied. Sometimes people find out, but I don’t seek other peoples approval for the good deed I accomplished.

  I don’t try and make connections outside of the micro circle I have. I actually believe I will someday just be completely forgotten right away. The small blip I was in this massive thing we call life.

 I know technically everyone meets certain aspects of being forgotten over time. I know they are probably billions of people that no one even knows they ever existed. The only true way to be remembered is to accomplish something truly grand historically; good or bad.

  So in the grand scheme of things that’s why I have seen so many books or videos explaining the importance of the here and now and to live life to the fullest. Take chances and maybe something amazing will happen. 

 I know for fact that depending what you do in life is how you will be remembered. Some maybe short, some maybe longer, or the rare few being timeless. I realize focusing on how I will be remembered will not really get me anywhere.

  At least not for me. If anything it makes me think about how much I am wasting my here and now. I am simply a jelly blob. I’m not really contributing to society and I’m not really moving my life forwards. I’m simply have a pair of lungs that can breath. 

   I honestly am wondering what I am waiting for. I’m waiting for the perfect time that will never show up. I’m waiting to lose weight without putting in the effort. I’m trying to move my life forward while I live in my hobbit hole. 

  I have already got to experience that I was close to losing my life after my major car accident(I found out almost a year after the accident from my father the truly dire situation I was in). So a near death experience did not truly motivate me. I have lost a small amount of people from my life forever, and I still was only temporarily motivated. 

 I do remember a few times in life I have been motivated and one was to get my black belt. My mother achieving her black belt inspired me to go back to kung fu and change my life forever for the better. I guess it’s fair to say that sometimes in life there will be motivation and sometimes in the low points there will not be any.

   I don’t really have anything in my life right now that is motivational. I have some outlets I have used to keep me going slightly, but always slightly. I just right now see clearly a path I have laid before me going faster into the ground. Completely bypassing life at a breakneck speed.

  It does get tiring making blog after blog about how miserable my head space can be sometimes. I would like even saying that I have brought forward my issues so now I can start to heal, but I don’t. Multiple blogs I have pointed out my problems and what I need to do and how to do, to fix my problems. Then after the blogs done I do nothing most of the times.

  Do I have to wait to change my life around after it gets even worse? I know the right answer is no and I could prevent it now, but after this blog the only confident thing I can say is I won’t be changing tomorrow. I will maybe have a day or two, but I will be back there shortly.

 I can be so confident in being useless, but not in being positive, because being positive would require me to start pushing that boulder up hill finally. Confident in mediocrity but not extraordinary. I have a poor attitude right now. Being lazy is my strongest trait. 

 I love my parents. I am apart of a positive community called the I ho chuan. They’re people out there that do care about me. I can be a better person. I have the potential to be better. I needed to end this blog on a positive note, because I was going down a dark rabbit hole there.

  Thank you for reading my long blog. No new numbers.

  

  

Intervention

  I have had 2 small-ish interventions in like 2 days. Both interventions dealt with the exact same issue. Neither of them ever talked to each other or even are aware of the other person existence. One was my roommate and the other was my father.

  They both addressed the issue of me being a hobbit and not being social at all. I live, eat, sleep in my hobbit hole. I venture out sometimes to go to my parents, or sometimes kung fu, but I always head back to my hobbit hole.

 My roommate commented on why was I not interacting with them at all. I seem to have disappeared and they did not even know if I was in my hobbit hole, because I am a quiet person. They actually were frustrated about not being able to give me praise or a compliment about me doing a good job cutting the grass and using the weed wacker. I told no one that I cut it and cut it when no one was there, so I guess it was a small mystery for them.

  I never thought about how avoiding them could make some of them feel as if I could maybe not like them. When in reality I have zero issues with any of them and I think they are all good people.

  My father mentioned to me I seem to be stalled in life right now and pointed out the hobbit life style of mine and concern about my lack of being proactive about changing my situation. He started talking about all the issues I am very well aware of and doing nothing about it.

  It’s like I am watching my life going into a slow car crash and all I have to do is fix it is turn slightly to the left. I don’t even touch the steering wheel. I go and sit in the back seat and get comfy.

  It’s clearly not coincidence that two people in my life with no connection both have the same issue. Maybe both coming at a slightly different angle, but same premise.

 I guess my parents learned something new about me and that is I want all this social interaction, but it never crosses my mind about other people that are my friends, how is there day going? I wonder what they are doing? 

  I tend to never think about others and how is situation is. It is not a thought or an idea I ever think of. I have a friend that I have known since elementary and I have not talked with him for well over 2 decades. 

  I don’t really have anything else to add. I am clearly a hobbit and I’m slowly losing my life to poor decisions. I get really stressed when I have to do social events.  

  I am not sure how to wrap up this blog, but clearly I have issues that even two people in my life see it very clearly. 

 Anyways thanks for reading this long blog and I do have some numbers:

Acts of kindness: 1500

Km: 1360

Sit ups: 7230

Push ups: 7230

Da mu hsing: 141

Drum stick form: 205

Spar: 108

Why am I self sabotaging?

  I choose to eat poorly. I choose to not always train. I choose to be antisocial. I choose consistently to make the worst choice. I instill in myself fear and laziness. I don’t reach out to friends I have made or already have. I choose isolation. 

  I want friends to hang out with and I don’t make the effort to make it happen. I want to have a family someday, but I don’t put myself out there to meet someone. I want to lose weight, but I don’t make the right choices to make it happen. I choose to stay comfy in my bed and watch YouTube. I wish I was working right now, but I’m not. 

  In the electrical field of work right now seems not a lot of work is happening right now, or I’m just not applying to the right places. I’m also in a union and nothing has been showing up on the job board.

  Luckily right now I am not struggling financially, but I still feel like I am a young kid who just left his parents house looking to get on my own two feet and I am 36 and have come to a complete stall.  

 I can’t help myself and compare my life and see where other people who are around my age or younger and have so much more than me. I’m not ignorant to the fact that sure some had a bit more luck than me, but also they worked for that life they have. It was not handed to them. I don’t compare out of envy, but out of what I could learn to achieve the same goals.

  I realize their story to what they have is uniquely theirs and maybe what they did won’t apply to me, but I am trying to find my own story for me. I am trying to learn on how to accomplish my goals. Unfortunately even if I learn a new tool I can use to make me a better person I turn away. I also know that the grass always seems greener on the other side. When possibly I am already on the greener side.

 I don’t put the effort in. I’m at least 286 lbs now. When will I turn my life around? Why can’t I say this is the blog that now I will start improving after this blog. I think I can’t say those words on here, because it would just be word candy to me and everyone reading.  I know it would hold no substance. It would sound sweet to the ear, but have no nutritional value.

  I write this blog in despair knowing I’m going to do the same thing tomorrow. I might get to train a little bit tomorrow. Which I will enjoy, but after that I will go back to my place and go to my bed and eat, watch and read, and sleep. Repeat. I hopefully will show up to both my classes, but I am always ashamed as a human being. 

 I’m the pinnacle and peak of Mediocracy. 

   Even as I write the blog I loathe it so. I think to myself “aww poor me has a life that is not hard and he’s just lazy” “ look he is having a little pity party for living a comfy life boo hoo” “ just grow up already, your not a kid anymore, be an adult” “ you’re pathetic you have all this opportunity to become a better person and you’re wasting it” “ you deserve nothing”

 I wish I had positive words ringing in my ears all the time, but I don’t. It’s not that I am unaware of the positive I just know I keep them on the back burner.

 What positives about myself so at least the whole blog is not negative. I have parents who love me and care for me. I am still enjoying working on making content for my YouTube channel. I still try to be kind whenever I can. I am really good at being a cheerleader. ( not now, but I believe in you) When I do put my mind to something I will do whatever I need to do to accomplish my goal. I have use of all my limbs. I can breathe comfortably. I can see with 20/20 vision. I do have some really good friends in my life I should reach out to more often.

 Anyways a very long blog, but thank you again for reading this crazy one. I appreciate your time and effort to reading all of this and I’m truly trying to learn from you. Also no numbers unfortunately.

  

Thanksgiving Back Pain

   Well this will be my most likely my shortest blog for this year of I Ho Chaun. I am currently just enjoying my time with my family and getting ready to play some Pathfinder card game. 

 My lower back on Thursday morning for some reason decided to just hurt me. I was getting out of bed and all of a sudden ouch. I thought nothing of it, but as the day went on it got worse to the point just putting on pants hurt. I don’t believe this back pain will last long. 

  Luckily I think it will be a fairly fast recovery. It already is feeling better not 100, but better. Having random bumps in the road like this happens and all I can do is react the best way I can to said speed bump.

  My kung fu for this week has been ok. I am happy I still went to I Ho Chaun class. I got to see how a lot of people reacted to surprise targets. I kept thinking to myself I wanted to do a front thrust kick for some high targets. The front thrust can hit high, I was just not sure how high. A round house would have been fun to try as well.

  My kung fu journey right now is has been about being more engaged with my kung fu. I am still striving for better, but I am moving at least in a good direction.

  Thank you all for reading my blog and Happy Thanksgiving early day. Anyways here are some numbers:

Acts of kindness: 1450

Km: 1350

Sit ups: 7200

Push ups: 7200

Da mu hsing: 140

Drum stick form: 200

Spar: 108

Listen and Grow

 Some times in life I need to just listen and figure out what is trying to help me. If I get advice on something to help my martial arts, or life. Not only should I listen, but also think about what a person says to me, or those around me. 

 I have a bad habit sometimes of thinking I know what they are trying to communicate to me, but then when asked what did I learn, I can easily miss the mark. I don’t think it’s wrong trying to guess what the goal of any said lesson or advice is, but to be able to put my ego aside when I’m off the mark. 

  I also have a bad habit where during the moment of any said lesson I am fully engrossed in said day, but as soon as I leave the kwoon. I immediately start losing the knowledge that was presented that night. Then next time we show up and they ask so what did we talk about?

 Unfortunately it means then I did not practice what they were trying to show me or help me with. Even if I was confident in said lesson, I should still be taking the time I’m not at kung fu to absorb what was told to me that night.

  I get test brain sometimes. It’s where I would study and be very knowledgeable on said subject, but once the said test is done I forget what was even the correct answer or why they were correct. I think it’s due to just memorizing and not learning. I memorized what the correct answer was, but I did not learn it.

 It’s never fully like I learned absolutely nothing, but I carried myself in such a way for a very long time. It’s a poor excuse for why I act this way the real reason is just laziness. Sure some times I can be very busy and not have a lot of time for kung fu, maybe just a little bit, but ultimately laziness for me.

The power of listening is a good skill, but means nothing if it’s just in one ear and out the other. I have listen for a very long time at kung fu and there have certainly been a lot of things I have been taught that have stuck with me for a very long time, but I need to be continuously striving to learn what is being taught to me and not just memorized. Memorizing is still there but it can’t be the only tool I use.

 I’m am lucky enough to be surrounded by very experienced and full of knowledge martial artists . The way I think might be slightly, or way off mark, but it’s why I love kung fu so much. I always have so much to learn. I sometimes have to accept when I am just not at the same level as others.   It’s a celebration that I have really great opportunities to challenge myself and learn from amazing people. It time to absorb the knowledge and apply and ask if I am unsure.

   Thank you for reading my blog. This blogging experience for me has been the most consistent blogging I have ever done in a very long time. I am happy I get to share with you my journey.

Anyways here are some numbers:

Acts of kindness: 1400

Km: 1300

Sit ups: 7100

Push ups: 7100

Da mu hsing: 135

Drum stick form: 190

Spar: 108

Moving Forwards

   This week I would say has been my best week yet for kung fu. Not because I did lots of training, but I did do some though, but because I made the best choice and that is going to my classes. These classes have always been a place where I get to learn and grow and experience new events that make me greater everytime.

  I still had very high anxiety before going, but that’s just me being my own worst enemy. I have been this year the biggest obstacle to over come; myself. I have been making my own life harder and making the bad choices in my life always the first choice. 

  All these hurdles I am experiencing in my life right now are put there by me. I accept the words like “tomorrow”, or “eventually”, or “maybe” instead of “yes”, “I can”, “I will”, “for sure”.  I chose the words of no responsibility. The words that promote excellence and progress have a responsibility to them.

  The more positive words drive home a sense of commitment and to honor your word to others and yourself that it will become something amazing. I will always understand about how life can throw a wrench into any well set plans, but it does not mean I can’t react better to it for when the wrench inevitably gets thrown in.

  I made a promise when I joined I Ho Chaun. I promised to do the physical and mental aspect and to hold myself accountable for completing all the life changing goals that the I ho Chaun provides. I promised to try my best and never give up, but I certainly have not been trying my best. I have only not giving up. 

 I will struggle more in this year and possibly more to come, but I will not give up and I will start trying again and show up to my classes again. I have 2 under my belt again so at least I’m moving forwards. I will always try and move forwards, and when I go backwards I will call myself out again and you all can call me out as well to set me straight.

 I have a belief that most things in life are not an absolute, but I can always do better for when said event happens. I can make bad choices, but I can learn from the mistakes and bounce back faster. 

  Even hardships and failures in life can be a blessing, but sometimes it could takes years to find the positive or a good lesson to be taught in those harsh times. All I know for the most part there will be an eventual positive; even if it is a small one. Where there is negativity positivity will be born.

 The one I let thrive is the way my life goes. If negativity is my choice then I suffer the consequences, but same for positivity. 

  Now that the words are good, time for consistently taking positive actions. The mental is a huge part of this thing called life, but so is the physical.

 Anyways long blog today so thanks again for reading this blog of mine. The people who read all these blogs and mine are truly inspiring in my opinion. Not only did you decide to read my blog, but you decided to read others as well. Bravo 🙌 

Here are some numbers:

Acts of kindness: 1300

Km: 1230

Sit ups: 6950

Push ups: 6950

Da mu hsing: 130

Drum stick form: 180

Spar: 108

Right Direction

 You know I never really realized how crazy it is to see when I look at all my blogs that I have and almost all of them say zero comments, but seeing there are comments to go back and read feels really good. Powerful stuff.

 I read the comments on the app as well, but it does disappear forever and I will never remember the possibly good advice that was given to me. Super side tracked for what I wanted to talk about I just wanted to say commenting  on someone’s blog carries heavier in a good way. 

  Ok on task here. I had a not bad kung fu week for practicing. It easily could have been better, but doing zero is way worse. I am always trying to take the more positive approach about my progress. I know I would cycle down into some harsh depression if I go with what I know best; negativity.

 I am trying to keep what little I do accomplished as a positive, rather than focus on how more of could have done. I am not ignoring that I could have been better, but I am also not drowning myself in self loathing, or at least attempting. 

  Being positive is a muscle I am super weak in mentally. It can be easy to be positive for others, but harder than Mount Everest for me. I don’t like looking at what little I did as a good thing, because I can twist it. I wrote a lot of negative things after twist it, but I deleted it. 

  I know I can be better while not being ignorant of my short comings. How I word it and present it matters to me. Repeating lots of negative aspects of me, gets me no where. I know them already, so I don’t have to keep focusing on it. I strive for the positive, so I can start feeling and acting positive in my life.

   I’m still working on my aspect of being more social. It has not been successful as well, but I get close sometimes on almost leaving my hobbit hole. I don’t count visiting my parents, because they are well within my comfort zone. 

 For everything that has happened even if it was just a little bit. It was moving forwards in the right directions. 

  Anyways thanks for reading my blogs and commenting. It definitely has an amazing impact. Here are some numbers:

Acts of kindness: 1200

Km: 1210

Sit ups: 6850

Push ups: 6850

Da mu hsing: 123

Drum stick form: 170

Spar: 108

Family

  I have had lots of ups and downs with my family before. Sometimes they are bad and sometimes they are really good. What I care about so much for my family is that I have them in my life and how much I care for them and them for me. I make mistakes and so do they and we are there for each other in those tough times and there for the good times. 

 I had to really help my parents recently and we stayed up for a very long time talking. I’m not going into any details, just that it was a very long night. We became closer as a family and moving forward always striving to be better.

 The next day my Dad made his first brisket on the smoker BBQ. I went over and played a card game with my Mother and spent more time with my Father with the Brisket. It was 2 polarizing days, but worth every second.

 The game we played was amazing and the brisket even better. The brisket was on sale so that is why we got the opportunity to attempt it.

  I used to say I’m not talking right now about any kung fu, but in reality everything I did and talked about was kung fu. Kung fu way of life and how to train and always strive for the betterment of one’s self. Most of these skills and values I use in life come came from my time I spent in Kung fu.

 The people that I have had the pleasure of talking to since I have been at Silent River have all help shape me into the person I am today. I know I am struggling with my kung fu right now, but the core value of it has never left me.

   Anyways as far as me physically practicing this week 0 is my number I am adding. All I know is I don’t like being over weight and out of shape and I continue to not do anything. I cannot give you an answer for why I week after week make that choice, other than laziness. Just because I call myself out does not mean since I told on myself I’m good for another week.  It means I need to start taking action. It’s good to acknowledge, but meaningless if nothing changes.

I remember when I was a teenager I was always told someday a doctor is going to tell you if you don’t change your lifestyle you will not have long to live .( I was pretty overweight as a teenager as well). I have not seen a doctor, nor have been told that, but I feel that’s the direction my life’s going at the moment as far as health and fitness goes.

 Thanks for reading my blogs and going on this journey with me. 

 

Shia LaBeouf

   So I have been thinking a lot about a short motivational video that Shia LaBeouf did about 10 years ago. He received some negative criticism for the video and was used for many memes when the video was first created. He did give a good positive message, but how it was delivered the message was what was criticized. 

  Pretty much everyone focused on how weird the video was, rather than the very powerful message that he deliverers. I don’t blame them for that, because he does do a lot of weird movements, but he sounds like he is coming from a place of frustration of dealing with people who are always putting off or afraid to take a chance and he bluntly yells “Just Do It”.

 It is a short 1 minute-ish video. He also says “if you’re tired of starting over then stop giving up”. The video is just super inspiring to me when I think about it. A lot of my problems are solved by simply follow such easy advice. I think the reason why it resonates a lot with me is because there is no 300 self help book, or huge seminar about how to be a better human, but just a simple truth that solves my problems.

  I have no issues if others use those other resources, I believe they are still very useful. I just really like how the video is short and sweet and it’s  up to the viewer to do what you like with the info you just got. It feels as though he is giving me the keys to success for free. Now I just have to use that mindset and “Just Do It”, “stop giving up”. He says so much a such a short amount of time.

   He say a little more then the 2 points I put in here, but I highly recommend watching the video. I put the link in here and if you had time to read my blog (thank you for that) then I really encourage you to watch the 1 minute video. Even if you have already watched it before; a refresher never hurt nobody.

 I resonate so well with this video because it also reminds me of Mastery by Stuart Emery( just really really condensed). Definitely not a word for word, but a lot of what Mastery is. You don’t wake up to mastery you work at it. You only fail if you give up. You can only obtain it by consistently going towards your goals. Taking action. “Just Do It”.

 I would like to add mindfully to the possibly trying to achieve something. Because hitting my head against a 30 inch steel wall is not going to eventually break even if I’m really motivated, but not giving up on trying to figure how to get though that wall is a different story.

  I won’t say I’m completely and mentally all better now, but I have been very active with thinking positively and even did some kung fu. I did not make all good choices, but I at least started to make some better decisions. Even going in person to the meeting for me was hard. I really just wanted to be online. 

  I truly don’t like being in the public. They are all related to my silly way of thinking some times, but I know I can eventually get better. I have to. Also the honey was delicious. (Thank you)

Anyways I do have some numbers to put down this time and the link that I highly recommend. Thanks again for giving me your time.

 https://youtu.be/ZXsQAXx_ao0?si=dIwK1qI7bleB2v0d

Acts of kindness: 1100

Km: 1200

Sit ups: 6800

Push ups: 6800

Da mu hsing: 122

Drum stick form: 165

Spar: 108

Game Night and Maintenance

 Every Friday and sometimes Saturday and on a rare occasion Sunday I go to my parents house to play board games. It is a lot of fun and time gets away from me every time we play.

  I get to strategize how to beat them or work with them depending on the game. We are currently doing a co-op time card building game. I really enjoy those nights. It’s like all my worries and issues disappear and I get lost in the gameplay. It feels normal for me.

  Going to the maintenance week turns out to be good for me. I had fun learning and helping others at the maintenance. I really enjoyed the electrical part of it. It was fun learning other tools I never knew ever existed that makes life so easy. 

 I was definitely reserved while there, but I was out instead of lying in my bed and doing nothing. So I made some better choices this past week. Not completely for all good choices but at least in the right direction. 

  I did not do any kung fu. I have no new numbers to add on this blog. This one is a short and sweet blog, because I am excessively tired and having a hard time to think right now. I almost forgot to do a blog do to me thinking it was a Saturday. All time and days blend together when I’m not doing a whole lot. 

 I am not engaged in life and kung fu enough right now to put my best foot forward, but I did make better choices. I have to celebrate the small good ones and keep striving to make more good choices.

Thank you for reading my blip of a blog.

My Head Space

  I would say right now I’m am crashing a little bit right now. I keep building up fears and doubt. I keep making the bad choice. Why do I keep doing the worse choice in my life? Because it is easier. If I hide no one will know I exist. People will eventually forget me. It is inevitable. 

 How many would still remember if I quit now? Maybe some for a bit, but eventually I would disappear. I do a horrible job myself at keeping in touch with the friends I do have. I don’t call I don’t check in with them. I am never curious about their said life. If they call me I interact, but beyond that after they leave I go back to hiding.

  I’m the pinnacle of mediocracy for me right now. I am the representation of mediocracy. In the dictionary you see my picture used as an example. I did not want to write a blog today, but I am. 

 My weight is 264 lbs. I keep making bad choice’s in food and zero exercise. I am on my way to becoming 300 lbs again. Only 30 lbs to go. At least that is something I might accomplish. 

 Doing nothing in life is easy and destructive. This path I’m on leads me to be isolated and losing friends. I don’t mind being by myself sometimes, but I have little energy and confidence to be around others. I isolate, because I don’t want to be judged. I know as humans we judge ourselves and others at all times, but we grow up to not force others to live by what we judged them to be and let their actions speak for themselves to who they are.

  I don’t want people to see me failing. Clothes fit worse. My 2XL t shirts used to be really baggy , but now feel a little tight. I am disappointed and disgusted in myself. I want to have a family and home of my own someday, and I do nothing. I believe I need to get myself better before I can even think of looking for my better half. 

  I am still as this moment thinking of if I will participate in the maintenance week. I don’t want to go, because people will see me. I don’t want to be seen by the public or anyone. 

 I know the right choice is to go. I know the right choices to make to become better. All I am missing is the me to do it. I am avoiding responsibility. I don’t have to be held accountable if no one sees me. If I don’t see anyone then I cannot be held accountable. 

 I’m becoming and maybe already there, but afraid of people and responsibilities. I don’t want to look bad in front of everyone, but I did it to myself. When I say responsibilities I mean to others and myself to becoming a better me. 

   I’m really holding myself back right now. I feel as though I am just talking in circles right now. Step one acknowledge somethings wrong, step two formulate a plan to get out of said issue, step three execute said plan and repeat step one if issues arise.  

  Right now the part I’m stuck in is getting to step three. Enacting said plan, action and consistent action. 

Anyways I hope you all understand why I thank you for reading my blogs all the time. It does come from a place of gratitude, but also an acknowledgement to the powerful skill of being interactive of reading someone else’s blog. I read other people blog sometimes, but I don’t because I am lazy and not engaged. I envy you who read my blog on your time. To me that is an astounding feat of great accomplishment. 

So I thank you for reading my blog. You are inspiring to me for what you accomplish. Unfortunately no new numbers to post.

 

  

Editing

   I have been learning a lot about editing videos lately. I feel as though I have been taking the hardest path to learn on how to edit. I used a few different programs and have finally settle on one; Adobe pro. 

  The program is really good to use and honestly made more for people who are very aware of how the program works. I have become functional on it now. The big down side is you have to pay a monthly subscription to use it. 

 I have already tried free options and so far I have had a lot of issues to the point I had to completely restart two videos I made due to some issue with the program or most likely me.

  This learning a new skill I never thought I would ever do has been a fun experience so far. It has had its ups and downs, but it has been good.

  Kung fu was even better this week. I am still not making the best choices, but I am making some good ones. My life will be making a 100 percent turnaround if I can just stick with the discipline of making good choices. 

  To be fair real life does not allow anyone to always make the best choices at all times, but life does give us a lot of opportunities to make them and we just need to see them and use them.  

  I have also never been more proud of a form that I have created than my drum stick form. It has two primary goals when doing the form. First is to properly learn the drum beats for the 3 star, 5 star, and closing. Second is if someone drums for the form they have to make sure they use the proper technique to achieve the sounds the form does. There are definitely more things that this form does, but that is why I said primarily. 

Another one that I also think is big is it teaches tempo for the drumming and form. In the form you must constantly move from technique to technique while still trying to finish the technique before you move on.(same as other forms we practice) but the big difference for the drum stick form is the tempo of the drum. You have to keep in time and together to make this form work. 

  A drummer should be able to follow the whole form and keep and consistent beat. As the drummer you really learn ever inch of the drum sequence, because you have to slow it down so the person doing the form can keep up with you. If you drum to fast and out of tempo the form gets demolished.

  Well that’s all I have for today. I thank you for giving me your time to read my blog. Anyways here are some numbers:

Acts of kindness: 1050

Km: 1150

Sit ups: 6700

Push ups: 6700

Da mu hsing: 120

Drum stick form: 160

Spar: 108

Hardwork

   Hard work is something that I have mostly lost in my everyday life. When I am at a job I work my butt off and try to achieve and do the best possible job I can do and always striving to be better. When I stop work I fall into a slump. I may as well be a robot put on the charger until next job starts.

  I willing make choices that slowly make my life harder. I want to achieve all these goals in my life with none of the effort. These unrealistic ideas hurt me more. I stay home and do nothing except watch YouTube and eat food. Every Friday I visit my parents to play board games. That’s my current life.

  I don’t think there is anything wrong with spending time with family and having a time of rest at home. I am very grateful that I have such a good and close relationship with my parents and I do love just chilling out at home, but someone like me who wants to achieve more things in his life I need to put the hard work into achieving these goals.  I need to start adapting the attitude, again in my life, of even if I don’t feel like doing something, I should do it anyways. 

  It is so easy to not do the right thing in my life. When I do get work my kung fu gets derailed. Then when I lose work I pick the wrong path and choose to do nothing more with kung fu for months then I eventually disappear. Then one day I get a small spark and do Kung fu again, then my life gets better, because I re-introduce hard work into my life again. Then the cycle begins again.

  On this cycle for me the big difference compared to other times is my blogs used to be full of very negative and depressing words that eventually makes me disappear. It’s not bad to have negative emotions, but I let the negativity feed me and grow worse. Then I would eventually stop blogging. That is the time for me if I stop blogging I am shouting at the top of my lungs I need help, but in silence.

 This time for me I have been trying to show my hard times and struggles while also looking for positives and even cheerleading myself in my blog. “Go Randy Go” I could write all the good stuff here and still not take action, but I need to still keep saying it, because once I stop I will start down a worse path.

 I need to keep pointing out when I fail, but not let it rule me. I need to learn from my mistakes and let it improve me. I need to put in the hard work in life, because I know where my life will head if I don’t start putting the hard work in. I have seen many people in my life who achieved peak mediocracy. I did not like what I saw and that’s the way my life is currently heading. 

  I am still learning a lot about this editing thing for videos. I have been enjoying at least learning more about the videos I have been making and uploading to YouTube. If YouTube ever worked out for me I would be really happy, but for now it’s a fun hobby.

 As you might have already guessed but no numbers this week. You all reading my blogs are true legends in my books, because I know you also read others as well and I will always be grateful to you all who do so. So thank you for being legendary and hopefully I start making better choice this week and continue to make better choices.

Timing

  I would like to say I am talking about timing in kung fu, but I am not. I tried to think when I had good or bad timing in my life when I tried to achieve something. The results are absolutely chaotic.

   I went and did 9 months of heavy duty mechanics school(1st, 2nd year) then when I got out a huge recession hit the trade. When I lost a lot of weight and was in a good head space my Mother earned her black belt and inspired me to go back to kung fu. I got into electrical and was able to solidly have a job throughout my whole apprenticeship years, and actually get to learn while working, but at the same time the trade took a $8.00 cut to there wages.

     I decide to attempt a YouTube channel that would have a better chance of becoming big 10 years ago. Now I am finally giving it a go, but it will be harder now, than it was back then. 

    I feel as if when I try to better myself the opportunity’s become more abundant, or I finally opens my eyes and started using the opportunities that have always been available to me. As for attempting making a solid living money wise. I would not say I am hurting for money, but I feel as if I am in a limbo state. 

   That is probably because for the past almost year or more the amount of work I have done is very little. It has been really good money, but short term. I am consistently not struggling with financially, but also not growing either. It’s great that I have been able to not struggle financially and I am really grateful for it, but I have not been able to make progress in having my own place someday.

  I do know right now for work B.C is booming with work, but I am afraid if I try to move there and look for work, I will be in the same place here, just in B.C paying higher taxes.

  I got asked the other day, why don’t I move to B.C? What is keeping me here? I could not really say family, because I enjoy their company, but I am also ok with being far away from them for a long time. I grew up with my parents always gone for work to support my upbringing. I will always love and respect my parents for it. Being an only child and no siblings I got used to being alone. I had some friends, but most of the time I was alone.

   Anyways back on track for B.C question. I thought of kung fu.  It has been a huge part of my life and shaped me who I am today. I know I can still do kung fu if I moved, but I already know I wouldn’t. Maybe a little bit at first, but then it would die down to nothing. I don’t feel comfortable with that.

  I would like to keep pursuing this YouTube thing, because it is fun and I am learning a lot about editing and how I want to shape my channel. I also know right now the YouTube thing can only consider a hobby at the moment, because I make zero dollars from it and it could take years until it actually becomes something.

  So realistically I still need to pursue my actual career right now, but I am having issues finding work. Because I am from a union, non union places don’t even give me a call or message me. I assume it is because they might think because I am a union worker I must be lazy, and it might be true for some , but not for me. Unfortunately I can only prove it if they hire me, but they play the odds that I won’t be good and I have met a lot of union workers who are really bad. That’s all assumption based, but it could be close. 

   Also a lot of places I am trying to looking into are wanting electricians, but you must pretty much be close to retirement age who has worked the trade all your life and no longer needs training. I can say with confidence if you have been doing the trade for over 40 plus years they are in high demand right now. 

  This has been a long rant on some stresses I have been having and frustration. I realize things could be worse for me and they are not. So I can find some happiness in that. I will say I was able to do a little kung fu this week. So I have some numbers to report.

  I will say thank you so much for reading my rant. This is a lot, but the fact you got to the end makes me really appreciate you all. Anyways here are some numbers:

Acts of kindness: 1000

Km: 1100

Sit ups: 6400

Push ups: 6400

Da mu hsing: 117

Drum stick form: 150

Spar: 108

Weird experience

I had a very poor week again of kung fu. I was having stomach issues where I could not keep food down and then one day it got weird for me. I was just ready to leave the bathroom and all of a sudden I got light headed, dizzy, and all numb in all limbs. I had to lie down on the bathroom floor.

 I was barely functional enough to get down to the floor, but once I got there I was on my side. I was going in and out of almost black out. I don’t know how long I was there on the floor, but I had no idea what happened to me. 

 Eventually I was finally not crashing out or anything and I could move again. To be fair I was not trying to move while I was on the ground, but eventually I was able to get up and like nothing happened. 

  I did go to bed right after and fell asleep. Since then I have been better and feeling better as well.  It was just weird experience I have never had before. 

  My week had the best of intentions of more kung fu, but intentions only get me so far. Action is what I need and to do. I’m currently in my cheer leading phase. I wish, I want, I hope, but I don’t do. I could say all the right things until I’m blue in the face; means nothing if I don’t do.

  I am my own worse enemy, sometime life takes my decisions out of my hands, but for most of it I block myself from making progress. Nothing is holding me back except me. I don’t write here right now that I will practice more, because I have broken that promise to many times. So now if I say it, it means nothing. 

  All I know is I need to start making better choices in my life. Thats all there is to it. No perfect moment, or right time, just me mentally and physically taking ownership and pride in who I want to be. I exist to breathe right now and that’s it. I have fun with my family once or twice a week then I stall. 

 

 Just do it. 

I have no numbers again. I am happy you are still reading my blogs that I write. I say I appreciate it and I really mean it. Every time I have said thank you on here I have always truly meant it. So thank you for reading

  

 

Trying Something New

   So I would say my kung fu has taken a bit of a backseat this past week. I decided to try a new possibility for myself. In the sense of career. I am still going to look and work electrical jobs when I can get them, but I’d figure I finally attempt something I have been hmmm and ahhhing about for the past 10 years. That is making a YouTube channel.

  I have been looking at YouTube for so long and learning how some channels succeed and how some fail, or even disappear. I would say I am not trying this as a get quick rich idea. I am doing this because, I have always wanted to try, but did not think I could actually succeed. I have seen so many rise and fall of so many YouTube channels and they all have the same pattern. 

  If the channel was disciplined in releasing often and putting the time and effort into editing, wether it be hired or done by the creator; they all became a bigger channel that more people wanted to see, and as soon as they pulled back and lost their discipline their channel died, or fell of for multiple other reasons.

  I never ever tried, because I always thought I don’t have the charisma that the successful one’s do, but I learned that you can still become successful through developing your charisma and the content you want to show. Passion.

  I found myself diving into all of this and really trying to learn how to edit and upload, thumbnail art. It consumed me entirely, and then I chose to ignore kung fu. Which is the wrong choice. I know for a successful channel it could possibly take me up to 3 years to finally start seeing results. 

  It does not mean I still can’t keep kung fu in my life. I planned my days poorly and filled my days with laziness. I did do a lot of research and poured a lot of time on starting my channel and learning right now how to do some basic editing, but I was not dedicate all day doing this. I rested and watched my YouTube I like to watch.

  I will for sure fail any type of YouTube career if I follow this path. Kung fu makes me a better person when I train and practice kung fu. When I make it apart of my life not only at work but on my down time especially. 

  I definitely made progress on my YouTube channel, but I fell off on my kung fu progress. I’m sorry I let you all down in that aspect and I am sorry to myself for depriving myself of the great  opportunities and experiences that kung fu offers me.

  As you might of already guessed but no real number change this week. So I will say thank you for being on this journey with me and reading my blogs week after week. I will start making better choices, but right now my words don’t mean much right now. Action is what will set me free.

Do It Especially When You Don’t Want To

 I need to establish a schedule that I can try to complete and sustain some sort of routine. I met someone who has a commitment to excellence especially when they don’t want to do it. This person was disciplined. I was showed examples of when he did not want to go and work out, and with a bit of a sigh he said I guess I will still go anyways.

 Having the mental fortitude to stay consistent on days you would rather do nothing is powerful. It is a muscle that needs working out as well. He has a busy life and he still manages to strive for excellence. 

 I believe it all comes down to his priorities. He has going to the gym high up on his list and will try and achieve it with the best of his situation. Prioritizing health and fitness over going home and simply lazing about. Being lazy is easy, but being highly engaged in your life and family is extraordinary.

 I thought about how I saw him and how his life seems pretty awesome. I had to hold myself back from starting a pity party for myself. He works hard for what he has and it is something to admire and learn from, not resent and bring in jealousy. 

 I will use my experience with him to help build me to become a better person. I have met a lot of amazing people in my life and for the short amount of time I met this man has changed my way of thinking. I saw a someone who did not settle for the easy route, but also it was not easy for him to pursue the extraordinary path. 

  Normally when I see people like him they are always high energy, or very positive for most of the time and they make it look easy to achieve what they have. I know these type of people work just as hard, but I rarely get to see the struggle. I normally get to see the surface of who they are then they disappear from my life.

I got the rarest of opportunities to see the mindset of I don’t want to go the gym at all, and then they went anyways. I have heard stories and have done it myself, but it has been a long time since an event like this has happened. 

 My kung fu engagement was low this week. I did do some gym stuff, but I was still lacking in kung fu. I have had some bumps in the road and family issue to take care of, but bumps in the road will always show. I just need to keep recovering from the bumps. 

Thank you all for reading this blurp once again. The mental fortitude you all have is a strong skill you all keep working on and developing. Anyways here are some numbers:

Acts of kindness: 900

Km: 1000

Sit ups: 6350

Push ups: 6350

Da mu hsing: 116

Drum stick form: 142

Spar: 108

Discipline Equals Freedom

  I was at the gym and normally places like this might have inspirational imagery or quotes and this place was no exception. The last great quote I saw that was motivational was “ even if all you can do is swim one lap, that’s more than the person on the couch did” I like this one but this new one really got me thinking about what those 3 little words mean “Discipline equals Freedom”

  Being disciplined in something you are trying to accomplish can yield results, but I never thought about what else it could offer. If I am disciplined in losing weight I will lose weight. It is the freedom that took me by surprise. I never really truly thought about how being disciplined in something can set you free.

  If I am disciplined in losing weight and accomplish that, I am free in the knowledge on how to live a healthier life style and feel better about myself. Having discipline also can bring knowledge about what you are trying to accomplish and eventually you will become more knowledgeable about said discipline. Which in turn set you free into more opportunities. 

I never really realized how much freedom you can get after the hard work and continued hardworking that the freedom that comes after. Having the knowledge and the know how thanks to being disciplined has unlimited potential.

  It is not like I never experienced being disciplined, it just never made me realize how powerful it can be after you remained disciplined to equal freedom. When I am disciplined I am happier, more motivated, more confident. Why? Because the discipline yielded me that freedom. 

  If I want change in my life I start by being honest with myself. Knowing that the key to my success is discipline seems like the magic pill I was waiting for. It seems weird that I always knew about the answer, but I was waiting to see the inspirational message.

 I have always noticed that sometime lots of people could be telling you, or advising you on what they think could help, or be the solution to your problems. As most people do including me I don’t hear it. I feel as though the reason why we don’t hear them yet, is because we are not ready to listen. 

 I know there has been moments in my life where I was told something to do and then did not do it, but then a friend said the same thing as this other person and now it makes sense. I was ready to listen.

  So even knowing I have learned the benefits in being disciplined, I was not listening yet. Now a simple 3 words on the wall I read has opened my eyes“Discipline Equals Freedom” 

  My Kung fu has been ok this passed week, but it will get better. The frequency in how much I practice is what will get better.

  Thanks you for reading my blog it actually means a lot to me that you all do this. Anyways here are some numbers.

Acts of kindness: 800

Km: 900

Sit ups: 6200

Push ups: 6200

Da mu hsing: 115

Drum stick form: 140

Spar: 108

Timing

 I need to pick better times to write my blogs. Leaving it to the end of day is not a responsible decision I did. I was getting ready to write my blog last night and I fell asleep thinking of what to write. It was late and I woke up today feeling bad I missed my day for blogging. I could not write anything until now on my lunch break. So I am sorry for not keeping my promise for writing at least once a week.

 Blogging will always be the greatest tool at my disposal. It helps me grow as a person. Blogging might not always be my favorite activity, but it will always be the most important to me. It is a time for me to think about me and what am I doing right now. Am I practicing kung fu? am I engaged in life? How am I doing in general?These are the questions I ask myself when I am getting ready to blog. Sometime I will have some plan of what type of blog I will write, but things change. 

I had no real plans yesterday for a blog idea, but I was determined to write before I sleep; Clearly sleep won . I woke up with a white screen staring back at me. 

  I will say as far as my mental and physical state goes I am in a really good place write now for kung fu. I am getting better numbers and making better progress. Normally kung fu starts to die off, but so far it is staying alive.

Unfortunately I am running out of time to blog, because my lunch break is almost over, but I had to write my blog today as soon I was able to. Another minute without writing my blog continues to build my guilt for not keeping my promise. So to get rid of some of my guilt I am writing one now. I still feel bad that I missed the deadline, but me just waiting until next Sunday is not an option.

Well I thank you all for reading this blog today. It is definitely not my best blog, but a wake up call for me to get my schedule under control for blogging. Anyways here are some numbers

Acts of kindness: 750

Km: 800

Sit ups: 5900

Push ups: 5900

Da mu hsing: 108

Drum stick form: 135

Source of Energy

     I have found when I go through lulls of inactivity in kung fu I become unmotivated in life. I could say simply being inactive causes that as well, but during my work schedule I was going to a gym and I was feeling slightly better, but still empty. When I practice kung fu it fills me with energy and motivation. Doing the forms brings me joy and participation in classes when I can brings me motivation for something better. 

  Going to a gym and simply working out is good for my health, but I’m usually super bored and just looking forward to when it ends. I do give it my all and try to do good in the gym, but it’s repetitiveness that does have value, but it is boring. I am not a huge music listener so it does not help me for gym work. I usually listen to something I like on YouTube. I find value in exercising often I just wish it was more fun to put it simply.

    When I participate in kung fu my eyes and mind are wide open and burning to learn as much as I can. I don’t remember ever having a class that was boring. I am always astonished for how long I have been doing kung fu and I am still learning new things about forms I have done many times. 

  Kung fu gives me renewed energy when I prioritize it in my life. I do have a bad habit of putting kung fu on the back burner, but that’s due to sheer laziness. I don’t need music or YouTube in the background to practice kung fu I just need kung fu. I need to sort out my priorities and put kung fu higher on my list again.

    Hard work and discipline would be so much better if it was fun to do. Kung fu gives me the experience of having that fun when I do it. I get to understand what gym goers always tell me that someday I will feel off if I miss a gym day. I have never once felt that in a gym. It could be maybe I have not gone long enough to be fair. The longest stint I ever did at a gym was 3 months continuous and I never got that feeling of wanting to go to the gym. 

  I only realized recently that kung fu gives me that feeling. When I am in it and going to all the classes I feel amazing, but if I miss some I feel as I missed out on something amazing. Which is most likely true. Kung fu for me is a source of truly extraordinary miracles. It’s like the saying “if you build it they will come” but for Kung fu” if you practice it you will grow”. Kung fu is an endless fountain of growing opportunities. 

     My kung fu has being a little better this past week. I’m still not doing zero, but my numbers are getting slightly better. I can do better and I will. I have to be happy that I’m not doing zero. That this has to be good news for me. I have to believe it to be a positive. I am simply trying to convince myself that I did good and it ok. I will do better but I’m trying to acknowledge the effort. I have a lot of negative things I want to say, but I’m not going to write it. I am trying to reinforce positivity. I know I can do better. Just a little bit at a time. 

    I may never be the most fit person ever, or the person who is the most talented, but I will be the person who always keeps trying. Doing 1 is better than 0 doing more than 1 is better. Doing something is always better.

   Thank you everyone again for reading my blog. It’s kinda funny I go into the blog with intentions of doing a shorter one, but it always ends up becoming a long one. Anyways here are some numbers: 

Acts of kindness: 650

Km: 700

Sit ups: 5500

Push ups: 5500

Da mu hsing: 93

Drum stick form: 125

Spar: 108

Late, Tired, Sleepy.

  All I want to do right now is sleep. It was a long day and as I lay my head to rest, I remembered it was Sunday; blogging time. 

 I have put in my life right now as blogging is a high priority for me. It is my life line to me and kung fu. If I miss a week, even if it was a reasonable excuse, I will fall off. Every time I started skipping or not writing my blogs is when my life and kung fu get worse.

 Blogging is the very tool that has changed my life. I don’t personally like writing these blogs all the time, but it keeps me engaged in life and more focused on kung fu. Blogging forces me to see my flaws and see my successes. I see the great value blogging has to offer me and I try to use it. 

  If I lived in my comfort zone I would not blog. It can be tedious, and sometimes keeping me awake before I go to bed. I still go to blogs because they are a source of extraordinary events and miracles. If I use the blog it will help me build a better person. 

  Even knowing I said some negative things about blogging. I would recommend anyone to start blogging if they are going through something. It might not fix, or will, but one thing for sure it will help. Not an instant fix, but a start.

 Blogging might be the greatest tool I was ever given. 

   My mind is a fuzzy right now and I’m not sure if I was coherent in my blog, but I hope you all had a great day and of course thank you for reading my fuzzy blog.

Anyways here are some numbers:

Acts of kindness: 600

Km: 600

Sit ups: 5150

Push ups: 5150

Da mu hsing: 85

Drum stick form: 119

Spar: 108

Also Introvert

 I remember when I first learn what this word means. I always thought my parents were very out going people, but then later realized we were family of introverts. I thought they were extroverts, because they could talk for a very long time, but later realized that was to people they were comfortable with. I turned out the same way. Once I am comfortable with you I talk up a storm.

  I would say I have always preferred not interacting with anyone. If I could live life without ever having to be responsible to the outside world I might take it, but I’m not a 100 % introvert.

   I want to make my friend group size bigger without talking. I want to maybe meet someone, someday with out interacting with the world. I want more introverted friends, but normally we all keep to ourselves. 

 I find sometimes being an introvert has some advantages. I don’t mind going to Japan for month by myself. I enjoy staying home and watching random YouTube or reading. I enjoy most of the time being self reliant and living in my small little world; It is cozy. For the most of my time I am content with myself.

  Extroverts are sometimes scary people to me. They want to go out all the time and hang out just for the sake of hanging out. Not hang out at home, but go somewhere and meet up. Extroverts have this weird ability to strike up a conversation with random people and become invested and even look forward to maybe meeting these people again.

 I have been trying to learn to have more extrovert like tendencies in my life. Not that I don’t value who I am. I personally don’t think anyone is a pure extrovert or introvert ; we all lean a little to one side or the other. I also think it’s not good to be purely one or the other. 

 I am just trying to be me, but also put myself out there like others. I have tried to learn the good and bad of both traits the best I can. I am trying to not go months without any human interaction and being perfectly content with that. 

  I am trying to find my balance of where I can freely want to hang out with people and then also be content with zero interaction at home. 

  Kung fu was minimal, but not zero. I have been busy, but not efficient with my time. I would say this is a huge success for me, because normally it’s zero, but I will always strive for better, because I know I can do better. 

Anyways thanks again for reading my blog. It is always amazing that you do this. Here are my numbers.

Acts of kindness: 550

Km: 500

Sit ups: 5000

Push ups: 5000

Da mu hsing: 80

Drum stick form: 112

Spar: 108

Weird Cold + Do Better + Tiger Challenge

 Since near the end of my work week I swear my hotel I was staying at made me have a weird cold. My nose is producing excessive mucus and at the same time hardening inside my nose. I have been actively taking medicine and resting for pretty much my whole week off from work. 

 Cold in the past for me are normally just small inconvenience I might be down in the dumps for a short while, but eventually I get better. It seems to be a long one this time.  I want to say I am on the tail end now of this cold. My nose feels clear sort of and the hardening has also gone down.

 As far as kung fu goes I saw the small challenge offered to me and was able to do some kung fu. It was better than what I normally do which is zero kung fu. You could say I am doing the bare minimum to be in engaged in kung fu. 

 I do tend to take the more negative stance on when I am doing something positive in my life. Instead of me being happy that I’m doing some kung fu than none. I just see myself as a lazy person who could have done more. I’m praising myself for kinda trying. When I should say I can do better.

  In reality I need both. I need to be proud of when I am at least making an attempt, but also have the drive to want to do more. Doing something is better than nothing at all, but I should not settle if I am capable of doing more. 

I had mixed feelings about missing tiger challenge. One side of me was happy and ecstatic about not having to participate. I had a legitimate reason for not going, because I was working. The tiger challenge was giving me a lot of anxiety. The other side of me though was disappointed that I thought like this and missing an opportunity to be responsible for myself and getting an opportunity to be social. 

 The tiger challenge offers nothing but good experiences and lots of self growth opportunities. It is a really good event and I was happy to miss it. My way of thinking is wrong. I should feel sad or upset that I did not get the chance to go the tiger challenge, but I don’t. I’m upset that I think this way at all. Why should I be happy about missing an opportunity that would make me a better person. 

 I seem to be striving for mediocracy. Mediocracy is easy and comfy while becoming extraordinary is difficult and a path filled with challenges to make me a better me. I should rush at opportunities given to me when I get them and act appropriately when I miss out on some. It is not the end of the world if I miss some opportunities, but the attitude I take should be appropriate as well. 

I missed tiger challenge, but I could have still practiced my forms and did what I could anyways. There is always a solution to most of my issues I just need to start taking the answers and start applying them. 

  I just want to say this to everyone who participated in the tiger challenge congratulations on making a good choice and be proud of the achievement of going to the tiger challenge. It will always be an extraordinary experience that you will always have in your life. I hope I will do the same if I get the opportunity next time. I hope if I can’t make it due to work, I will be down hearted, but still wish I could have been there. 

 I am truly trying to become a better person even if my actions or blogs could be saying otherwise. I will tell you all now if I miss a blog I will be officially running away from kung fu. It is a pattern of mine that I have done before. It is easier to hide my faults and disconnection by not blogging. Because I will be trying to disappear from your memories. So no one can reach me. That what me not blogging will mean. 

So I will try and continue to blog and continue to make the effort of keeping kung fu in my life. Even if it is a bit wobbly sometimes.

  Well today blog was certainly all over the place. I had to update my title three times. I just want to thank you once again for reading this blog. The extraordinary thing of reading another persons blog is always so impressive to me. Anyways here are some numbers.

Acts of kindness: 500

Km: 400

Sit ups: 4850

Push ups: 4850

Da mu hsing: 77

Drum stick form: 108

Spar: 108

Small Victories

  So I watch a short video about a guy listing his new super powers he acquired from his weight loss. He informed The viewers he can now stand up without using arms, and that he can even hang for a really short period on the chin up bar. These small little things he could not do before because he was really overweight was the exemplification of gratitude of making progress, even if it’s little. 

  It made me think that he is working his hardest to do what little he can and seeing results even if it small. Being proud of the small results that I could not do before. I am making the tiniest progress in my journey, but I am making progress. 

  I do know I need to keep trying my best and try harder to accomplish my goals. I just got to appreciate the small progress I make here and there. 

 I did a little kung fu. I need to do more. I did have a difficult time this week, mainly due to the fact that my feet hurt really bad from my steel toes. I was limping and in constant agonizing pain, but I was able to fix the Problem. I got new steel toes And feel a whole lot better now. I’m still recovering from the pain of my last steel toes, but I’m doing better.

Well this time I have some number and thanks again for reading my blog.

Acts of kindness: 450

Km: 383

Sit ups: 4700

Push ups: 4700

Da mu hsing: 75

Drum stick form: 105

Spar: 108

Work

    So I have been off work for awhile and I always dread the day I go back to work. Not because I dislike my job, but because I get lost in it. I push away everything and prefer to only care about rest time after work and not kung fu; I prioritize laziness. 

  I get this new opportunity in Dawson BC. I am working to build a new hospital.It seems all interesting but this past week zero practice time. Zero I Ho Chaun time. I do take elements of kung fu into my life, but that is more mentally than physically. 

  The physical aspect is very important to me and I know if I keep going down this road I will run away again. I don’t want this. I want kung fu to be in my life not only mentally, but physically. 

  This bad habit of mine is screaming “just ignore kung fu everybody will eventually stop asking me about my progress or even when will I be back. I will just keep using my good excuse that I won’t be there because of work” Work should never dictate my life yet I use it to do so. Work is a convenient excuse for me to start distancing myself from kung fu and the group. 

  I “want” and “will” are two very distinctive differences. I will do the cheerleading into “want” to keep kung fu in my life, but “will” I. Honestly I can’t confidently say I will. I know I will try, but the bad habit says “will see”. I am going to try some new things like attending the zoom, but I I guess I will have to wait and see. The solution is right in front of me I just have to grab it now.

 After work my feet are truly killing me right now. I guess not really working for 5 or 6 months has an effect. Unfortunately no new numbers to post, but anyways thanks for reading this little blog of mine

Kung Fu

  My relationship with kung fu has always been up and down. I have told my story multiple times on this blog and it still baffles me today on where I am now because of kung fu.

I started kung fu because my friends grandparents got the name of martial arts wrong. He actually joined tae kwon do and I joined kung fu. The direction of my life was separated by left door kung fu and right door tae kwon do. I feel normally on that situation one would quit to join their friend. I did not. I thought it at the time to be impolite to quit after I joined. 

  I stayed many years with kung fu after the fact my friend even quit tae kwon do. I was never truly interested in kung fu at the time. I went week after week of classes of simply just existing and thinking everything that kung fu is made of is a waste of time. I had this train of thought from orange belt to 2nd degree brown belt. It took a very long time to get there, but I was just a blob moving through the motions. I knew the moves and the steps, but I had zero intent. I was a truly horrible student. I only stayed in something I despised for so long because I thought I would hurt the sifus feelings. 

  One summer I took some time off kung fu and then just never went back. I was finally released from the shackles I turned kung fu into. I was gone for 3 years and then an extraordinary event happened. My mother earned her black belt. I believed her chasing a pipe dream about getting a black belt, because I believed the school was unfair. So when my mom got her black belt and I went to her banquet I was proven wrong. She accomplished to what I thought was the impossible. 

  I had found a renewed vigour for kung fu. I started to realize what kung fu was trying to teach me finally. Everyone at kung fu was always pushing me to become better, to be the best me possible. I realized the great potential kung fu had for me. I found every form I had to re-learn and learn the new ones to be exhilarating. I no longer held myself back and earned my black belt.

  Since my mother has earned her black belt I have never been bored to do the same form or technique over and over again. It always felt new and refreshing. I feel as though I get to live my black belt life as a professional white belt. I have learned time and time again my life is better when I have kung fu in it; because I practice more often what kung fu teaches. 

  I may have times in my life where I won’t get the opportunity to have lots of kung fu in my life, but kung fu will always be there for me. My fellow classmates and teachers and friends will always welcome me back at kung fu. Kung fu is a place where I can be me. I won’t always make the best choices in life, but kung fu has helped me greatly to always find my way back home. 

   Well this was a shorter one of my blogs, but thank you for your time and effort to read my blog once again. Anyways here are some numbers.

Acts of kindness: 400

Km: 263

Sit ups: 4600

Push ups: 4600

Da mu hsing: 72

Drum stick form: 100

Spar: 108

Downward Spiral Trap and Update

   I noticed a pattern with each of my blogs. Normally I start kinda nervous, then evolves into confidence, then eventually a negative tone will take over, then eventually ends up with me no longer writing blogs. Then of course rinse repeat once I get back into blogging. 

  I think me confronting and writing my flaws in my blog is a good thing, but then I let it take control. I let mediocracy get back into my life over and over again. I know not every blog will be a 10 out of 10, life is good and I am pumped for life, but life is better when I focus more on it. I definitely do not ignore what is wrong, or struggles in my life, but I tend to forget easily about what is good. 

   I’m still avoiding the world and choosing to use a water bottle to hammer a nail in. I guess you could say I am getting closer on making that jump into connecting with others outside my hobbit hole. For me getting closer to going out is actively making it a possibility. I keep failing, but I am trying to keep making progress. I slowly pick up the hammer then at the last second water bottle.

  So relationship with the outside still sucks, but not all things suck. I have been making some headway on my drumstick form. It used to feel always kinda off, but now it is clicking. It is a form I am becoming more proud of. There still feels like there is still some kinks, but I’m moving forwards. 

 My push ups have turn into on the wall and physio stretchy band. I was making progress for push ups on the ground, but my shoulder started acting up. I am in no pain right now, but whenever I start doing ground push ups my shoulders tell me “not yet, Will let you do some, but if you keep this up we will bring pain”. Sit ups are going good though. Those have always been the old faithful for me. 

 Sparring is normally a lot of shadow boxing for me. I do tend to forget this one, but it is something that I have been bring back into my life. I used to be very nervous, now I’m just out of shape. I find sparring the best time to practice technique. Being quick or having longer limbs makes some sparring easier, but methodically making a plan of attack and executing it is a whole other ball game. I am not quick right now, but I remember when I was in better shape I used my limbs and surprise quickness to my advantage. 

 The power of throwing a proper round house was my favourite, because if you use proper technique most of the time people do not see it coming, because at the last second it changes. It could be a front thrust kick then last second round house head shot. 

 One of the requirements I tend to never blog about is kind acts. I find them the easiest to do out of all the requirements, next to kms. For kind acts I find every little minute thing and count it. I washed and clean the dishes. I helped clean the floors. I said hello to a roommate. I believe acknowledging someone’s existence to be a kind jester, rather then walking passed them and ignoring them completely. I do things that would make me happy if others did that for me. I have bigger kind acts I have also done. 

  It has been a long time, but I used to pay for the person behind me in drive through. Definitely not all the time, but no matter the cost I paid it. One was over $100.00 one time. I saw it was a big vehicle with lots of people and decided to buy their lunch. I will never know if they were happy or even if they did it for someone else. I just felt good that maybe I put a good permanent memory for them.

 Doing acts of kindness can be more complicated or something as small as giving a smile to a stranger. Not all acts of kindness will land for others, but it might hit someone someday and change the rest of their day or life for the better.

 Anyways that’s me blog for today. Thank you for your time and effort in reading my blog. Here’s some numbers.

Acts of kindness: 370

Km: 256

Sit ups: 4400

Push ups: 4400

Da mu hsing: 72

Drum stick form: 99

Spar: 108

  

Comfort Zone

     This is a place where it is easy to set and live in. It is a place where I feel the safest and most secure. I do believe having a nice comfort zone can have its benefits sometimes, but right now is holding me back. I am at the stage where I talk about my faults of re connecting with society, and then continue to stay in my comfort zone. A place of mediocrity and content. It is a place for me where I stifle my own growth. 

 I want change then I do nothing. I want to interact more with the outside and then do nothing. It is like I believe that if I hope and pray for things to happen it will. I will stay in my comfort zone and things will get better. This is a lie I subconsciously tell myself that things will happen. 

  I need to do the actions if I want to see the change. I need to go out of my comfort zone if I want to see the change. I can cheer and ra ra till I’m blue in the face, but if I keep choosing to stay in my comfort zone, I will always fail. 

 I always find pointing out my issues for why I fail or not achieve something easy, but then do not correct my course of action to become successful. I could say I did not succeed in hammering in that nail, because I did not use a hammer, I used a water bottle. It did not work so I know to use the hammer to achieve my goal. Then for my next swing I pick up the water bottle and try again. I knowingly and willing chose to fail. 

 It is like I have purposely trapped myself in my own insanity. I play to many mind games in my head and when I get opportunities to be more social I stay in my comfort zone. Nothing says I have to be super talkative, but it would be a step in the right direction. 

 Being a hermit is an easy life. It is a life filled with being alone with my own thoughts and not a single care for the world. Nothing really changes, there are no challenges, no struggle, no growth. Me not taking the opportunity to fail and grow from new experiences. I do believe failing in life is a good thing, because I get to learn a lot from it and grow, but choosing to fail  is not growth. 

  It truly is easier to say I will change and start being more sociable, but they are empty words. I could write and say all the write things, but all of it may as well be a blank page if I do nothing. 

  I have to take the jump. It is a jump I do not want to do, but needed anyways. I am destined for solitude and dying alone from the world if I continue the path I’m on. I have had some family members and my parents friends who lived this type of life. I always said to myself I don’t want that type of life. Here I find myself walking the same path. Maybe they were happy and content living that way, but I know I am not.

Well I can’t think of a good way to wrap this blog up. I’m just ranting at this point. My numbers were not great this week, but I think they changed slightly. So thank you for reading all of this and here are some numbers.

Acts of kindness: 340

Km: 235

Sit ups: 3950

Push ups: 3950

Da mu hsing: 71

Drum stick form: 86

Spar: 108

  

Shoulders

  My arch nemesis my shoulders and mainly my right side. I have always had a love hate relationship with my shoulders. They are still fairly flexible but they do not like forms or push ups. I have just been doing a lot of physical physio exercises for my shoulders lately. 

  I don’t believe I have been going to hard on doing to much Physio on my shoulders, but I am still making progress with how many push ups I can do in a row. I can do 20, but my shoulders say I shouldn’t, because it will hurt me. 

  When I first started doing push ups again I was barely doing one. So I am making huge progress for me. I am trying to think about my situation and make it a positive one rather than a negative one. I have excuses for myself on why I should not do more push ups and start t-Rex my forms. I don’t want to do this; It is a path of taking the least resistance. 

  I know I need to progress wisely here. I am still going to give my shoulders the care and need they need to continue to be functional, but I am still going to attempt whatever I can do as a push up that is not as harsh for me at the moment. I am not doing 20 now, but I feel no issues or less pain when I go slow in my push ups.

 These shoulders of mine will slow my progress down, but I won’t let it define me like it has in the past. In the past I would slowly pull away from kung fu and use the excuse about my shoulders. It is a legit excuse and I could do more damage if I am to reckless with my training. I am tired of using this particular excuse even if it a good one. 

  I can still practice kung fu just not as fast or as hard as I would like to. I have to methodically place my punches and blocks, because if I don’t I will hurt myself more. I have to become more engaged with everything I do with my shoulders and how it interacts with the rest of my body.

  I am not so much in a situation where I feel major pain in my shoulders. I’m literally edging my shoulders and my limits. The biggest difference for me about my shoulders this time is that I am taking actions to make sure they don’t get worse. I am putting the time and effort to take care of my shoulders where last time I just pushed through or settled into mediocrity. I don’t want to repeat the same mistakes I made last time. I would back then maybe continue trying to do 20 push ups, but that would damage me and possibly make me have a huge set back.

  So I would say right now I am in a frustration mode, but not wanting to take the easy route. Doing nothing is my most strongest state I have trained and the most mastered. I know if I do to much resting on my shoulders I will eventually fall back into my bad habits. I am also in a just do something mode as well, because doing nothing begets me nothing. 

  If I have a day where the pain is very noticeable I do some basic arm movements and stretching. I get the rubber bands and see if I can do anything, but sometimes I can’t. So I do hot and cold on my shoulder and seems to alleviate the pain. Again I am not feeling immense pain; I can feel when my shoulders are telling me to take care of them. 

  I know what it is like to have major shoulder pain and I was miserable. I am a highly motivated individual right now to not hurt my shoulders and not lose my kung fu.

  Thank you again for taking the time to read yet another big blog, but that is time an effort I will always admire. Anyways here are some numbers.

Acts of kindness: 330

Km: 228

Sit ups: 3800

Push ups: 3800

Da mu hsing: 70

Drum stick form: 85

Spar: 108

   

Mending Relationships

  I have seen some blogging about this topic and for the first time I thought which of my relationships need mending. Who or what? I have never really pursued this one. Every year in I Ho Chaun I could never think of any relationships that needed mending. I always thought maybe I am lacking awareness in my family or something. 

  I have always shown my family great gratitude to the fact that we talk a lot. I have had many hours and long talks that have continued for years on issues that we are going through. 

 It did get to a point in our relationship where it felt like I was the middle man and used as a neutral party in discussions between family for many issues. It felt like I was an unlicensed therapist, but even that eventually faded after more talks about how it made me feel. 

  I am not trying to say my family is perfect and there is never anything to fix, or mend. It just seems to me that we always communicate whenever we have issues with each other or be an ear to listen. I have had many moments in my life with my father where he did things that, possibly other family’s could have fallen apart easily. My Father has definitely made huge mistakes, but I still talk to him about them and help him continue on his path. As he still helps me with mine.

  Besides family affairs my friend side has also been for the most part good as well. I don’t have to many friends, but the ones I do have a relationship with has been really good. I have had friends that became very negative and effective my life poorly, but I have no desire to see them again. All I hope for the friends that ended badly with me is that they have a successful and happy life. I am not on bad terms with the friendships that have ended.

 

  So after I looked at my relationships between family and friends I see no mending needed. When I think of the term relationship I see my relationship with life needs mending. I am literally living my life in a basement. I live in a house with 4 roommates and I get along with them fine, but I keep to myself. I see my parents on Friday and Saturday to play games, and Tuesday, Thursday I go out to Kung fu. I keep my interactions with the outside world to the highest minimum possible. I do all my kung fu practice in my confine room in the basement. I could easily go outside and practice with lots of room, but I don’t to avoid any possible interaction moments. 

    Interactions with strangers freaks me out. I would say when in the moment of talking to people I feel comfortable with my conversations tend to go on forever. I enjoy talking with people I know. I even consider joining an anime club that is adult ages and I have never gone, because I have to register to go and I chicken out every time. I even heard that there were a some there around my age. I have always enjoyed keeping to myself and never exposing myself outside, because I don’t want to take a chance on being judged on how I look. I’m content when I am in my literal hobbit hole, but I’m not happy. I’m the very cause of this. Life feels easier when no one can see you, but I cause myself to be more alone. I am a bad friend and a poor family member outside of my parents. I never make the effort once to contact anyone. They have made the effort to contact me, but I never returned it. 

   I do have gratitude for all the good things in my life. They are always at the forefront of my mind. It did not always have them, but even that took a long time to build up. I do believe I was harshly scared mentally when I was in junior high. I had many bully’s and the thing some girls said to me stuck with me all the way to 36. I know back then they were just kids and kids can be cruel, but unfortunately that cruelty can have lasting effects on some. 

I always remember that one moment in my life where I accidentally bumped into a girl in the hallway and we both fell on the ground, and I was about to help her back up and say “sorry are you ok?” But then she responded with a simple one word response “ew” with a look of disgust on her face. I just walked away angry and thought who cares. Psychologically wise I never really got over it. I never believed anyone when they say something positive about me. I have gotten better, but I am clearly not all the way there yet. Even when I had a girlfriend and she told me I was handsome I had doubts. I still do, but she must of been at least somewhat attracted to me. I want interactions out in the real world, but I don’t want the consequences for putting myself out there.

   I have watched a few things about showing that caring about what random people think of you is so minuscule in the grand scheme of things. I truly do know I am my biggest barrier here and the only thing right now holding me back is me. I even keep a bunch of quotes on my phone about how to have no fear. I can’t control what could happen out there if I put myself out there, but I still have it. I still fear it. 

   This was a really long blog and became bigger the more I thought about it as I typed, but thank you for taking your time to read all of this. I really admire that quality. Anyways here are some numbers.

Acts of kindness: 300

Km: 214

Sit ups: 3500

Push ups: 3500

Da mu hsing: 61

Drum stick form: 77

Spar: 108